Hanging Out in Huntersville with Eli

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2010-12-03T09:04:00.001-08:00

http://hangingoutinhuntersvillewitheli.wordpress.com/

Spin workouts versus cycling workouts–Which is better in my opinion

2010-11-16T15:14:00.001-08:00

I started spin workouts this fall; I saw them as a new, more intense cycling workout. I did not want to even enter the room until I felt like I was at sufficient shape to be able to hang in the room.

In short, I really like to spin. Even bought some clipless shoes so I could spin harder. Very quickly I have found a new exercise that I like, based on cycling. BUT would it help me lose weight. I did some research and it seem yes. But know that I have been spinning for a while, I thought I would offer my opinion and perspective.

Prior to adding spin to my routine, I was riding a bike in the gym (http://www.cybexintl.com/products/cardio/750C/features.aspx) five days a week or more. I would alternate between two programs, slowly building up my time and intensity. The goal was to ride for 47 minutes a day, at 100 RPM. I typically ride at 85% peak heart rate for the last 25 minutes. So its fairly intense. This has been what has worked for me.

Spinning is a different deal – it is pure variety from high RPM, sprinting to low RPM, high tension climbing. The variety is what I like . The music, the direction – makes the time go by fast. And I sweat.

So – what’s my verdict so far. Spin class is an overall more comprehensive workout. Based upon the class I will work more muscles (like my glutes and core) then just cycling. I know by spinning that my glutes are in much better shape. I am in overall better shape from spinning.

However, plain cycling is probably better for me in a pure weight loss scenario. Its more focused, more straight intense work. BUT – by spinning I can actually cycle harder (makes sense). Today, I was able to just plain go harder on the bike even though I spun yesterday. I am a better rider due to spin.

I also will sometimes do a pure cycle on the spin bike. (http://mseries.keiser.com/m3.html). Here I get the spin bike experience, while cycling. I did my birthday ride this way – I rode 48.9 miles in 1 hour and 45 minutes on the spin bike.

So what is my answer – do both – both are good for you – Spin for the overall and cycling for the cardio burn. Spin for overall tone and strength, cycling because it has proven to be the best for pure weight loss. Plus throw in a true outdoor ride to get out the gym

Quick update on my weight loss

2010-11-08T11:40:00.001-08:00

So last week was a big week – I went back to the doctor for the first time in 6 months. I had a target weight in mine. Which I hit. I weighed 60 pounds lighter than when I was the doctor in early May. Even better news was by blood pressure was normal (120 over 72). It was 140+ last time so that was a huge drop.

These combined were great news. I did talk to the doctor about target weight. He brought the trusty BMI. Ugh. And my target weight was another 50 plus pounds. Internally I just laughed at him. He and discussed this and we both agreed for someone with my build that is just not realistic. I would have to cut significant muscle tone to make that weight. I di that in high school for wrestling and promised to never again get that weak.

So – back in late Feb. to the doctor I go. We agreed I should try and lose some more. But I am wondering if I am not close to a more optimal weight.

Value of changing the workout

2010-10-12T12:12:00.001-07:00

First, the value of cross-training is really at this point. In fact, my daughter saw this summer the value in her off-season.

However, my knees are pretty shot. I know I have severe arthritis in my left knee and suspect highly the right is shot. Losing weight has helped but I still have knee issues. Planning to ask the doctor on running but my guess it will be limited. Though on getting in the pool, but having swum in the past it’s not my thing. Which is truly ironic given my oldest daughter’s love for the sport.

So I am riding the bike. And it gets boring jumping on a bike everyday at the gym and doing the same routine. So how do I try and change things up:

1) Vary the programs I am doing – I alternate the program on the bike each day (stationary)

2) Change music I listen to just about every day

3) Set goals within goals – like I have to enter my weight so I make that a target weight and every few weeks get to lower the weight

4) I bought a used bike off Ebay – a mountain bike – had it tuned up and at least once a week I ride that and do not go to the gym. This is one of my favorite things to do.

5) Once I felt in shape – like after say 8 months I have added spin classes – again a change of pace.

So there you go – change of pace is super important even we doing the same exercise over and over.

My weight and our marriage

2010-09-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

In a previous post, I made a statement that my weight was an issue in our marriage. Being the idiot that I am very often am, I did not think what that could mean, especially to my wife. So first I owe a huge public apology. So here it is - Ginny I am sorry.

Here is what I intended - When I was overweight, there were so real consequences.

First, I likely had undiagnosed sleep apnea. I remember waking up gasping for air, literally feeling like I was choking. I remember one night I awaking in a panic, struggling to breathe, scared to go back to sleep. Don't think that this made me constantly tired, I was always struggling to feel rested. It was a constant.

Second, given I did like who I was in the mirror, it affected my general attitude. I would duck pictures, etc.

Through this all, my wife loved me. Loved me even when I did not love myself. Loved me despite being morbidly obese.

My weight loss process – couple updates that I forgot

2010-09-02T14:37:00.001-07:00

Some of my inspiration

I have had several inspirations to date. First, has been my oldest daughter. She has dedicated herself to swimming in a large way. I watched her ,at to me a young age, really throw herself into the sport. For me, she showed me dedication that I needed mirror.

Second, as part of college ministry we are surrounded with college athletes. Watching them and how they eat was really an eye opener. It convicted me on especially soda.

Finally, my wife and my family. I need to be here for her, healthy and ready to go. My healthy and weight was becoming an issue to our marriage – nothing ever said but I recognized it.

Weight Graph

Latest Graph Blue is 1 pound a week plan and red is actual.

My weight loss process to date – August 31st

2010-08-31T15:02:00.001-07:00

Many people have been asking about how I have lost so much weight and what I am doing. Well I am doing a bunch of stuff so I thought I would document some of it. This works for me

Background

First, I am or was really overweight to the point my doctor was talking surgery. Very scary stuff. Also, my left knee was diagnosed with severe arthritis and was really bugging me. Combined – I needed to lose weight for very tangible quality of life issues. My mobility and my ability to lead a normal life were being threatened.

And this was something that I knew was coming. I knew for a while now that I had a price to pay.

Philosophy

I have several key philosophies:

Start small and grow – I started with a small workout and grew the intensity. The workout I do today – if I had started with it – would have killed me and no way would I have stuck with it. Similar, I have gradually cut back on food items and quantities. No cold turkey unless I make the decision.
Keep trying to up the ante – I have tried to up the ante in my workouts as far as intensity, usually monthly. As soon as my workout feels easy, its time to really step it up. Also, I have changed my diet gradually, trying to find ways to replace things higher in fat or sugar with replacements I like.
Its going to take a while – I went in May and did a spreadsheet from my current weight, losing a pound a week – and saw it would take until my birthday in 2012 (yep over a 18 months) to get where I wanted to be. And you know what – I put the weight on over 15 years why would come off in a few weeks.
Be your toughest critic – you know where you can make changes, where you are good and where you are weak.
Learn what you are putting in your mouth – if you do not know what is in it, assume its full of calories and fat. Especially eating out. I went to Panera one morning – and got their nutrition guide on their baked items – scary. Nutritional knowledge, which I continue to learn, is essential.
If you work hard, you occasionally get to cheat – The concept of a “cheat” meal where you essentially relax the rules is super important – as long as it an occasional thing. I strive to not cheat the cheat so I can enjoy the cheat.
MOST IMPORTANT Not a diet but a lifestyle change – frankly some of the changes I am making are on the long term – if I go back to the way I ate and drank and did not work out, I will be right back where I started. Alton Brown discusses how to see this in his recent weight loss. I really like his perspective.

What I am doing

I am doing five main things to help with my weight loss. Not in order:

Cut fat – Trying to really cut the fat in my diet. It means not eating lots of things (french fries? any fast food pretty much?). I also know where I am choosing to eat fat and why. I eat cream cheese on my bagel because the low.zero fat cream cheese takes like paste. But I choose to eat ham (low fat) and mustard (no fat) sandwiches for lunch instead of roast beef and mayo – I like roast beef better but ham is so much better for me
Cut sugar – I like sweet things – I have a big, big sweet tooth. But I have had to really cut sugar in daily diet, It means saying no to desserts a great deal. Look this is hard – but I give myself one dessert a week. I stopped baking at home – and avoid places like donut shops. Cutting sugar from your diet makes a huge deal. Also means giving my the sugary sodas. Youtube Coke and Sugar sometime for an eye opener.
Cut calories – I have cut calories in my meals – but mainly in couple significant manners.

Cut calories in what I drink –My goal is that each day I drink zero calories. For me that meant giving up Coke. I love, love Coke. More than most. But in May I made the decision to go to Coke Zero. and cut my soda count down. Couple of things that also helped have been Vitamin Water Zero (I love lemonade). I make exceptions for orange juice (the new reduced sugar OJ is just horrible). But even OJ is loaded with sugar.
Cut alcohol – I stopped drinking alcohol for now. Alcohol is loaded with calories. I love beer and this has been hard – but its empty calories. Again, its about looking at way to cut calories. I will drink again and look forward to that victory beer.
Eat more veggies and fruit – I actually have learned to enjoy salads

Workout intensely and consistently – Pretty simple – go the gym, and work hard. and go often. I started at three days a week and have worked to 5 (cardio every day, lift two times, abs two times) with a weekend ride thrown in as well. I did some research on rather to go the classic lower intensity fat burn or the high intensity workout. In the end, I am burning more calories and fat by working hard. My goal is to literally walk out the gym covered in sweat. No messing around.
This is a daily thing Steps 1 through 4 are daily things – focusing on what I am eating, why I am eating it, and working out.

Looking at this as a chemistry problem

I look at my weight loss as a chemistry problem. That is this – I am trying to up my metabolism daily (through intense exercise) while reducing the richness of the fuel (cutting fat and sugar) and amount of fuel (calories). By doing this, I am forcing my body to look to other sources of fuel (stored fat) to burn. I also know that I will burn muscle at times, so I am trying to lift consistently and work hard in the gym to build muscle while eating protein to battle the muscle burn.

This idea of chemistry and metabolism has become a mental image. I see my workouts as me stoking my body’s fire, making the fire hotter which means it burns more fuel than it would do naturally. And when i do not work out, I look to cut calories to match my naturally lower metabolism.

New foods and new models – more of the how

So in lowing my weight, I have taken on some new foods and ideas. Here are some that I consider important

Water Most important thing – we now drink at every dinner, in or out. I choose it consistently. And i make sure every workout has a water bottle. I have a couple of times found myself really low on my weight this summer, and it was water weight. I was all drawn out and weak. I want to lose fat not water. Water is so important
New alternatives that are zero calories or low calorie - Coke zero (and I just tried Pepsi Max) is 0 calories. And it tastes like a flat Coke. Vitamin Water Zero is another great alternative. Gatorade G2 is a low calories alternative to Gatorade. But water is still king
No caffeine after lunch I do not want caffeine after lunch – as I want my body to naturally wind down. Which leads to
SLEEP – I can not over emphasize how regular, committed rest has made a difference. My body would tell me that I was hungry when I did not sleep enough (think sleeping less than 6 hrs a night for several nights in a row). And I would respond with high-sugar, high-calorie snacks to tie me over. Great sleep fuels my workouts, and gives my body recovery time. So getting a regular bed time and 8 hours is actually a big weight loss tip. And as I have lost weight I have slept better.
New foods

Greek yogurt – high in protein and low in fat – its a great thing
Chicken – I really have chosen to eat more chicken in lots of ways; and less beef.
Wheat whether wheat pasta, bread or now bagels – wheat – more filling and just better for me

Choosing foods I still eat some of “old” foods –but choose more wisely. I eat steak but only sirloin – its the leanest cut usually and then I cut the portions. I eat potatoes some just not stuffed, or fried. I eat more rice instead. I eat cheese but less.
Working out and when I figured out I prefer working out first thing in the morning. With my job rarely starting before 10 am (and going later), I have the opportunity to go the gym before work and I do. I work out better, it fuels my day and I get it over. So I work in the am now. Your mileage will vary.
GOALS I have lots of them. The long term goal is out there but I need something else/ These fall into some of these categories

Short term, more immediate – When i workout on the bike I enter a weight. I have used this as a goal weight. It’s set 9 lbs less from last time and when I am within 2 lbs of the weight, I set it again (now its 11lbs away). This is a short goal that I like because it shows progress.
Intermediate Weight goals – the breaking of a barrier is always great and hitting a milestone like losing 50 lbs. One of my favorite was moving the weight on the gym scale (one of the 50lb sliders).
Celebrate the intermediate goals i I post these to twitter and facebook. When I hit 50 pounds lost, I bought new madras shorts, in my new lower size of EBay. It was a tangible reward for great work.
People like to here when you hit goals

Encouraging others

Look, obesity (and I would know) is a big problem in the US. I look around and see it. Yesterday at the gym an older man who most have been 350 was on the bike, struggling to ride even 5 minutes. I looked at him not with pity or scorn, but thinking that was where I was headed in a hurry. I felt sorry for him and knew at his age the battle was hard. I look around these days and I am amazed at how big we are – not just adults but kids. This summer I watched a 10 year old kid who was probably 30lbs over weight eat nachos and candy all day at our neighborhood championship swim meet. Beyond wondering how the kid did not throw up in the pool, this kid was already in sorry shape.

We can blame the food industry and restaurants. But Hardees would not sell huge super fatty cheeseburgers or biscuits if the public would not buy them. Nor would Wendy’s sell the Bacanator. At the end of the day, I alone am responsible for what I eat, what’s in it and the amounts. I know there are people who have legitimate medical issues as it comes to weight. But for most of us, its all about not exercising and eating way too rich of a diet.

Couple of points of encouragement to others

Find what works for you – I bike at the gym and then bought a bike. Works for me with my knee and love it. I am really hard core on food. My wife is less hard core and walks. She is doing great and what she does works for her.
Start in the small and grow – I can not over state how I have started slow (on the bike at the gym three times a week for 28 minutes and drinking coke) and gradually increased. Each new step was one I made, calculated the costs, accepted and acknowledged. I t was me deciding to quit Coke. Its me who has been making my cardio workouts longer and more intense.
Accept this is hard stuff Look eating donuts and drinking Coke is awesome – making decisions to say no for a greater thing is always tough
Make this a priority – I have made my workouts a priority over work at times, and have said no to dessert in social situations where saying yes was probably the accepted thing. But in the end my being more healthy makes me a better husband, Dad, worker, friend, etc.
Know when to say yes and enjoy it There are great times to say yes and eat great food. Plan ahead when you will “cheat” and ENJOY. Of course the irony now is that my body does not like it too much when I cheat.

Final thoughts – where I am going

First I owe my wife huge thanks – she has been a huge encouragement and helper, educating me on food, challenging on what I am eating and just helping me to think.

The benefits from losing now 62 lbs are numerous. To me the highlights have been:

Mental health – I increasingly like how I look, and I am ore confident. Plus who does not like getting compliments are looking nice
The obvious physical benefits – more energy, less winded, etc.
Confidence – three years ago we went on a vacation trip and were active. My weight caused me to not be able to do things either at all or very well. It was shameful and embarrassing. Contrast this year’s trip to Cape Code were I was able to do everything well and lead the family. I now have a ton of confidence. I feel like a better dad all the way around
Clothes fit better – ok I will need a new set of clothes soon.

Where am I going with this

I still need to lose a bunch of more weight – and I anticipate along the way I will have to change some things to get there. So far my body has reacted really well, having lost 30lbs in 90 days. But some day it may hit a stasis point but not yet. My goals are big and will take more time to get there. But I can see them.
I go back to my doctor’s in little over two months. My hope is that my high blood pressure is better, and that we can discuss more positive avenues.
Maybe take on new cardio pursuits. I use to run, but with my knee will need doctor clearance to begin again. Maybe swimming? kayaking? I just know that being active is really good for my soul, and personhood.
Leading our family – my weight loss has made the more of leader of our family with food, exercise, etc. And that has bleed over to other areas as well.

Thoughts from Cape Cod trip

2010-08-27T20:37:00.001-07:00

We returned from a long trip, weaving our way to Cape Cod a for a week’s stay. Here are some rather random thoughts

Virginia Beach

We stopped by my hometown. I had been back 3 years ago, but this was different. I showed my kids (not sure they cared) where I went to school. And where I lived. Plus I rode the boardwalk and beach with my oldest daughter. That was so much fun. I still do not want to live there but miss the beach at times. We took the bay bridge tunnel over the Eastern shore. I figured it had been 29 years since I crossed the bridge.

Ocean City/Rehobeth Beach

We spent two nights with my uncle in Rehobeth Beach. We rode bikes, did the boardwalk in Rehobeth, ate Thrasher french fries and generally played tourist. We had a blast.

Cape Cod

It was different. Not a real beach trip per say. The weather was low humidity, lower temps, and generally nice. We rode bikes as a family, kayaked, went to the beach a couple of times. We also went to Martha’s vineyard for a day – and jumped off the bridge . Some thoughts:

Dunking Doughnuts everywhere – seriously. Amazing to see how many they had.
Ice cream – great ice cream – Sundae School was the winner
Pizza – great, great pizza
Great seafood – we found some great places
Biking – I rode the rail trail a bunch plus toured myself. The cape was bike friendly and a great place to ride. Loved it
Beaches – in general not impressed – either too rough, too sharky, or just not great.

Charlottesville

Had a chance to see David and Ellen Turner – what a blessing. And I rode UVA early Monday morning, seeing the grounds and extended up close. I really enjoyed that.

Observations

The national highway system is ok but a couple critical places are bad, bad shape. We took the George Washington bridge in NYC. That road was beyond horrible. And so important that I have no idea how to fix it. But that road is way under sized. It’s land locked and needs to be twice as large.
66 in DC was not much better – truly rough road. It’s nice further out but still not what it should be. And again way too small. and land locked
I drove many highways for the first time in years. And the country continues to expand.
I love the south. I enjoyed the trip but love the south

My current workout

2010-07-15T08:52:00.001-07:00

Here is what I am doing

2x times a week I lift – focused on upperbody – chest, biceps, triceps, shoulders, and back

2x times a week – abs

5x times a week I am riding a bike – 47 to 50 minutes –my current goal is 400 calories and 14+ miles on a cybex bike (http://www.cybexintl.com/products/cardio/750R/intro.aspx). Goal is to ride at a level 6 to 7 with 100 rpm steady pace. I alternate between two programmed workouts

The bike workout has three segments –

1. warm up first 5 miles

at 2.5 miles I start hydrating and at mile 5 turn on the fan on low. It helps sometimes

2. Miles 6 to 11 – the trip of hell – really about grinding out the miles

3. Miles 11 to 14+ Bring it home

For music, I am all over the pace. I have a workout mix on my mp3 player but I am just as likely to pick one artist for the day (like Pearl Jam).

I am also adding physical bike rides to this as additional workouts. These are more just for fun and to enjoy my results.

I am playing golf but not walking – frankly my legs are beat as is.

This schedule is intense – takes time – but the results have been great. I have worked to this intensity – adding both time and miles to the rides, and adding new levels (rode one at a level 8 earlier this week for an hour). But it’s working – I am both losing weight, while maintaining upper body strength and gaining lower body muscle. Excited to see how this looks in a few more months.

The interface for humans

2010-04-18T19:40:00.001-07:00

The release of the iPad has been met with both excitement and skepticism. I have personally touched one myself. I am excited by its potential as a consumer device. The touch interface, the size and the portably is exciting. The idea of one device for my music, video, web, email and play is great. I want one for just walking around. I think it can really help the publishing business.

In the meantime, I now have a new business laptop. It has the same specs essentially as my first one 15 years. Just faster, with more memory and better graphics. How boring. It is so utilitarian and thanks to the corporate image at Wachovia so locked down to be basically very, very useless. Well its great for creating corporate content. Having touched an iPad. i look at my laptop know with disgust.

Apple is running laps around. the rest of the IT industry

A new job gained and a passion lost

2010-03-16T06:24:00.001-07:00

The great news – on Monday I will start a new job at Wells Fargo. I will move back under my old boss, Keith, working as an architect. It involves a little more money and a promotion. I have loved working for Keith and he and I make “good music” together. Super excited, nervous and anxious in the same breathe. New area of the bank, real estate lending, for me which will move out of my comfort zone. I am in a whole new ball game so its time to climb a new mountain. Should be interesting and makes 2010 a real challenge.

Its NCAA basketball tournament time. And for the second season in a row I am very clueless. I did not follow the college basketball season at all. It is a combination of me being Anna’s swim taxi which means I miss all of the early games and me just not being interested. College basketball is over saturated. It seems like every week ESPN has some sort of week to hype games. Not sure if it is fatigue from college football and the NFL but it feel like by Feb. I just do not care like us to. Maybe is because I have other priorities. But I know that my passion for college basketball is just less. I do believe some of it is with the ACC expansion. I HATE what it has done to basketball. I mean hate it. UVA and UNC play once a year. Great rivalry at times just gone. The ACC tournament is water down as well. Oh well, lacrosse season has started and apparently ESPNU HD is coming online just in time.

Grieving a job lost

2010-02-03T20:23:00.001-08:00

No I did not get let go from the bank. Well at least yet. But as my wife so wisely reminded me that I had yet to really grieve the job loss. I have been very busy for over a year, working on the merger with little room to breathe. As I thought on her concept, I agreed that I do need to grieve the loss, that part of moving forward for me at a personal level is to go through this step.

Remember, I essentially have a whole new job, new work style, new boss, processes – which I never consented for. Usually when you change jobs, you do it with consent and expectations of new things. Here we have been transitioning piece meal from old to new, often without complete thought of the old to new process.

So here is what I have lost.

1. Job security – I had a great deal of respect, expertise and relative security. I had an excellent reputation and impeccable annual reviews. I had received promotions and office positions. I was not immune to be downsized but was still pretty healthy.

2. Salary – I made 30% less in 2009 than I did in 2007. In fact 2009 was the exact same that I did in 2003. Men general see their peak earning years as the enter the mid 40s. I wonder if I have already peaked. It made 2009 a very hard year for the family. We survived well, and we managed to celebrate despite the challenges. But still, why would I ever take a job where I made less money with less security

3. As part of my annual bonus, stock awards both options and restricted shares. A significant portion of my annual bonuses over the last few years has just disappeared. My stock options are set now at just ridiculous levels while the shares were cut by 80%.

4. Entire structure. I went from having a boss I say nearly every day with a team around me who went to lunch every day together or ate downstairs together to a fragmented team spread across all three US time zones with no lunch. Literally mo lunch

5. My days went from meetings mainly in the mornings and early afternoons to meetings starting at 10 and going til 6. All day most days.

6. New processes and bosses whose work style is maddening at times.

Fixing a nagging problem –Tomato to the rescue

2010-01-19T10:43:00.001-08:00

For a long time I have been struggling with a speed issue – my network speeds were/are north of 15M/s. Which is really quite nice. But my work area in the playroom was much slower.

I had two Linksys G routers running DD-wrt linked together. The best I could get was 7M/s. Tried multiple things, with nothing really pushing the pace higher, including tweaking the settings and adding larger antennae.

First Pass

My first thought was to replace the working solution with a N network. I picked up two N-routers for cheap. One was a german one LevelOne. Very cheap on amazon and relatively ok. It came with stock firmware which I do not think can be upgraded to anything open source. So I used this this became the base solution. It is a very nice router although a little weak reach. But very very fast.

I picked up a wrt310n off E-Bay for cheap. Put dd-wrt on it as soon as I could. I set it up in the playroom as a client bridge to the new N-router downstairs.

This setup was promising, with speeds in the work area going up to 10M/s initially. BUT the solution was not stable. I saw speeds with a wide variety and felt like it was a step backwards.

Taking a step back and one big step forward

I consider looking at more or different hardware. Even looked at several N routers online and in person. But felt like between the two G and two N that had enough hardware. So I started to look online specifically at dd-wrt, and alternatives to this solution. Looking specifically at Tomato.

I installed Tomato to my g-router downstairs, reconfigured my other router as a client bridge in the work area. SUCCESS. I basically doubled or more my speed. My network speed was up to 16 to 18 m/s. So, it was the firmware on the g-router.

Took the n-router solution and I amusing to run my direct tv on demand solution for my HD tv in the family room. Seems to work ok

Reflections on a Holiday season

2010-01-04T11:24:00.001-08:00

The holidays of 09 are done; onto a bleak cold winter. Some themes that have been repetitive for me in the last few weeks.

Background

During the holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas, we basically got a new kitchen. We needed and bought a new fridge. The old won, while working, was held together by duck tape and was fading. The oven stopped heating above 350 so we got a new oven. And then the cook top developed a short. So we got a new cooktop. All of this was very stressful for me as I supervised the installs of all three pieces.

I am blessed

In the midst of the craziest time of the year, with work just going off and all of the kitchen repairs (tracking down when everything would show up and making do without a cook top for almost a month), God faithfully reminded me of my blessings.

I saw parents with children who had illnesses and long term disabilities repeatedly to remind me of my three healthy children.

I was reminded that we had the money in hand to buy the appliances we needed, and buy nice replacements, as my people we know could not.

I was able to return gifts as we over bought for our kids. And our kids were grateful for a few meaningful gifts.

Time and how I spend it is immensely precious

I kept holding one hand up with 5 fingers, then after Christmas with 4. Anna now has only 4 more Christmases at home as ours. In 5 years she will come home from college, with one foot firmly out the door.

Huck turns 6 on Thursday. Six years ago I was mentoring 4 young men. In 4 years, they have all moved on in life, back to school, married, bought homes, changed jobs and all have children of their own now. I am reminded that the young man that I mentor today was a junior in high school when Huck was born. Six years for me is not a huge leap, although looking at the pictures we took of the three of them when Huck came home it is amazing to see how they have grown.

Six years from now Huck is in middle school, Ruth a senior in high school and Anna sophomore at college. The young man I mentor today will likely be married, with a child or more of his own.

Although this is melancholy is some ways to write, it is a reminder of three very concrete things that I can never forget:

1. Despite all of the devices I own and use to manage my time well, i can not event time. In fact the productivity gains of today become the normal expectations of tomorrow. But time marches on.

2. How I invest my time then becomes the question of each day, with whom and how. How will I spend the next 6 years and how will it impact the Kingdom. What am I doing today and tomorrow.

3. The worries of today (like paying for all of these appliances) are temporary. They are important in the moment but I can not let them overwhelm the longer term.

Direct impacts to the merger to my work

2009-09-30T19:27:00.001-07:00

Well, given it has been a year, here are some highlights:

I always wanted to work on a large bank merger. The last two large ones I missed out completely. For Wachovia – First Union the area I was in had very little merger impact. I assumed that I would be on the winning side, so being on the losing side has been different
The work I am doing will literally be used by the entire bank – the call centers, the branches, the IVR will leverage the work.
The work has been intense
I have met a lot of new team mates who I really like
Got to see Minneapolis – cool city
Working from home more – the work is almost exclusively almost all the time

Some lowlights:

Much of the work of the last 5 years will be blown away – not sure ho much but the guess is in 5 years almost none will be around – some will influence the future, while some will just cease to exist
People i like have left, either voluntarily or involuntarily – with more to come -

It’s been a year officially

2009-09-28T21:57:00.001-07:00

Since Wachovia sold itself at a rock bottom price, undone by a absolutely crazy set of bad decisions and uncertainty. Hard to believe that it has been a year. It feels like a shorter time but so much has changed. Feels like yesterday I was waking up each day wondering what was next. I do remember so vividly coming home that one day and simply going to bed.

I have a new boss, new teammates, a new work style (at home 3 plus days a week while working on the phone almost exclusively), and the changes keep coming. It is the only constant so far is the change.

I have worked harder in the last year than I care to remember while making less money than any year since 2003. I am still unsure of the long term viability of my job at Wells and wonder often if jumping ship is not the sanest thing to do. And I consider myself, as compared to most of my peers, one of the lucky ones.

It is the first time in my entire career where I know that despite how hard I work that my job is not safe, and it is only a numbers game. Twice before I jumped ship literally as the hangman was coming but this is very different.

Upgrading to Windows 7

2009-09-16T09:03:00.001-07:00

I have a MSDN account which means I have early access to Windows 7. And I had plenty of space on my hard drive.

I followed this process http://lifehacker.com/5126781/how-to-dual-boot-windows-7-with-xp-or-vista. Couple of thoughts:

1. I gave the Windows 7 significant amount of the hard drive. I anticipated that I would need some space for XP so I that partition 2x time as large as the current XP install. The rest of the space went to Windows 7.

2. Gparted live was a god send.

3. Windows 7 Pro was an incredibly robust and easy install. Tons of drivers.

Challenges:

1. Video card – I had a 64M card that worked ok, but I went and upgraded to a 512M card for $80 at Best Buy. My old one was maybe ok.

2. Need to re-install all software – basically it was a ground up install; I had to re-install Office etc.

3. Move data – I had to move data over from the XP side to Win 7 for say my documents – saw a great suggestion to create a data partition on the future

My Windows 7 experience:

It is great – it what Vista wanted to be. My drivers are all there- it found my shared printer no problem. It supports two screens very well. I really really like the OS to the point that it became my every day OS day. I know that XP days are numbered. I am seriously considering upgrading the downstairs machine next

2009 Short term BLC trip with Ruth and Mandy

2009-07-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

Background

Three years ago in the summer of 2006 I traveled with my oldest daughter Anna on a short term mission’s trip to Bolivia. Lake Forest has partnered with CIN to work at the Bolivia Life Center in Sipe Sipe, Bolivia, a town outside of Cochabamba. It as a team of 50 that had enormous problems. But we survived. Part of the reason for the trip was to bond with Anna which did happen in spades. Still, it was a hard, hard trip

I promised my other daughter Ruth that I would take her. We decided that this was the year, and initially I was not going. In mid-Feb. I became convicted that I most go again with her, keeping my word. You see, I am part of the been-to-Cochabamba, have the t-shirt, not going back club. Seriously, not my thing. Like the last trip was really hard, and I was not so excited about this trip.

In addition, our adopted student, Mandy Halbersleben was planning to work at the BLC as a summer host for missions. This making going more attractive and more of an imperative.

So Ruth and I signed up. I took on the task of helping with the administrative work of the trip, with the official title of “Boy Friday”. We sent out support letters, raised monies, went to meetings, shopped at the discount store and generally got ready to go. Before we knew, the date to leave July 2nd had arrived, ready or not.

My prayers going in:
• Safety especially travel
• Ruth to find something to like
• Getting home

Again, I saw this trip as going from Point A to Point B. My friend Mitch White was taking his daughter Lindsey, and as he said – it is just a trip.

The trip proper

Travel this time was actually great getting down. No lost luggage, flights that were smooth (well at least for us going through Santa Cruz, for the five through La Paz not so hot). Algie Grubbs was the trip leader again with his whole family. Plus a buch of others I know. It really is a good crew. We get to work on a room dedicated to Elliott Brumm.

The first day, Friday, was spent recouping and playing with the kids. Saturday we got to go with the kids to a park. It had this really steep climb to this waterfall. I made it but Ruth did not. It was tough and my lungs were hurting. Very nice spot but I would love to see it in their rainy season because it is bone dry.

The weather all week – cold to cool at night , while sunny and windy (which means really dusty) during the day. Dust everywhere.

Saturday night we went into town to the Youth Service at the church. It was so loud my ears hurt for two days. Seriously it was just really, really loud. Did I mention it was loud. They had dancers as well which was neat.

Sunday morning was church followed by lunch at Buffalo’s Brazilian steakhouse. Very fun and elegant. Great steak and we had a chance to shop some as well. It was a nice relaxing Sunday.
We went back to play with the boys. By now most of were acclimated. We did get to call home Sunday and it was great to hear my wife’s voice.

Well except me – my GI track never really settled down the whole week. Part of the price of the trip. Ruth had some problems as well. I think I ended up losing like ten pounds on the trip.
Between the hard work, the reduced calories and the GI issues it is not surprising.

Monday brought on the real work – we would do construction in the AM and Sidewalk Sunday School in the PM.

Monday brought hard work – I tackled the Brummeria, helping sand and paint the room. I worked mainly on this all week.

Ruth worked on breaking ground for a sand volleyball pit. That ground was hard. She worked hard all week and amazed herself.

The paint is a special story. In Bolivia they cut the paint with gas. And the way you get the paint off is with gas. The fumes are so strong that we could only paint at times for 30 minutes. I smelled like gas a lot. A whole lot.

Monday’s sidewalk sunday school was way away. The joke at the BLC is that everything is 45 minutes. Every trip on the bus is 45 minutes. We took two 45 minute trips. It took two hours to get there and it was well dark when we got home. Part of this trip is just grueling long days.

Tuesday was more work, more paint. Ruth worked on the playground equipment, sanding. I painted more and helped with taking down a mural. By the end of the week I had 5 different colors on me, with black being the hardest to come off.

That afternoon, I went shopping in the La Cancha all afternoon into the evening. We went everywhere, well off the beaten path. It was an amazing experience, and rather surreal. The experience would come back to be very providential as well. I ended up hanging out with Cristobal, the bus driver. We bonded and I jokingly call us the Cristobal y Cristobal moving company. I got to move a bunch of furniture through La Cancha, with the Bolivians pointing out the Armicano. That night we went to a mall and a grocery store. First experience for me. We saw some of the Michael Jackson funeral – Surreal.

When I got home Ruth was under the weather and I sent her to bed. She was trooper but this trip can be really hard.

Wednesday would bring the first real challenge. In the morning, I headed up a crew that painted some furniture. I got to work with Ruth and Mandy. That was fun.

That afternoon , we tried to get to town. But the town between us and Cochabamba had a blockade. It had started the day before and grew each day. We actually tried to go around but the bus broke down. Very surreal so back to the BLC. The blockade became a major issue.

Thursday was the last day and full of work – we tied dyed shirts for all of the boys and staff plus use. And we finished up the room. It was a strange day – part of the brummeria was to have three PS2s. and one had walked off during the week – still not sure what happened to it. Kind of sad but not untypical.

Ruth was sick this morning; and in fact was in bed all day. I was very worried but not much I could do. She was better by lunch. I think she was just exhausted.

Again we tried to go to sidewalk Sunday school but the blockade meant no gas. We were worried about leaving the next day so we decided to come back to BLC, again another 45 minutes on the Bus.

That night was our final night, with pizza and we finally complete the room. Lots of amazing hard work. A massive mural and tied dyed sheets, carpet, light fixtures (the only ones at BLC) and couches really made this room so special. Great effort and I was very proud to sign my name on the wall. I also have my big paw prints on a wall as well. A legacy until someone else paints over it.

We got news that night that the blockade was down; they sent some folks into town for gas and confirmed that all was well. Praise the Lord. And they threw the mayor out of office. Part of a revolution in south america. Part of going to Bolivia is living with change.

Friday, we headed home. We got to play tourist. We went to the Christ Statue, which was really amazing. I climbed to the top (as far as we go). Very cool. Lunch was at the Beaver restaurant. Saltanas which I ate and ruth had some. Not our favorites. Ruth did great with the food plus we had snack food. Snack food was really important. The food ath the BLC was good, but not enough and a little repeative.

The next stop was La Cancha where Ruth and I went shopping. We found some really cool stuff, with Ruth getting these great shoes and soccer stuff. Here is the really scary part – we got really really lost. We ended way back in the La Cancha, lost of the beaten path. Like back were the locals go. Not the touristas. I got really scared, while Ruth was great. We had gotten really turned around. BUT, I found a street corner I remembered from Tuesday night, deep in the La Cancha. From there, we made our way back and were actually the second ones to bus.

We went to the pastors house for dinner and then to the airport. Here is the one really, and only hiccup on the trip. Our flight on AeroSur from Santa Cruz to Miami was cancelled as the plane was broke. We scrambled and all got on the American flight from Santa Cruz to Miami. We had five on the plane originally and now all 25. Great job Algie.

I had a long talk with Mandy at the airport – It was bittersweat to saw goodbye. She is doing so awesome.

We made home to Miami, with a long layover. Part of our team caught an earlier flight but Ruth and I just waited. We made it home, to the family. A trip complete.

As Mitch said – got the second t-shirt. This was much easier than the first.

Some reflections

This trip was really fun – the team was great, amazing spirit and hard working. Great leadership and every one just got it.

Ruth

• She grew up some – she expanded her vision of the world and her vision of herself. One morning I had to miss the team devotion as I was moving soccer goals. Mitch was leading and later told she was on fire. She is our deep thinker.
• She grew up in my eyes – I was looking at last night across the dinner table and she looked older –
• She was a delight to others, making them laugh

Mandy

• It was simply a deep pleasure to watch a young woman be so happy. She is in her element, speaking Spanish working hard, loving the boys and leading as a host. It was really cool to see someone take a step out as an adult, fins something they are really goo at and just enjoy
• She is so awesome – if anything she is more beautiful with her hair down, in jeans at work - some guy is getting an amazing guy
• I got to spend amazing time with her one on one, loving on her. Within hours being there, she grabbed me and it was so clear that I was meant to be there. Being her “family” and getting to share it was so a delight
• It was awesome to see her interact with other and watch her lead. God is doing some cool stuff with her.
• She released the hounds – and the hounds pounced.

Me

• I went with some narrow goals and they were exceeded. I did not come away with some amazing connection to a boy nor a spiritual revelation. Instead, I came away with a deep peace. A peace from fulfilling my word to my daughter. A peace from loving on Mandy. A peace in spending time with AJ and re-affirming my desire to do college ministry and disciple young men, in collegiate and the post-collegiate ages.
• The time away from work was welcome
• Being fully engaged was very important. First time I was along for the ride; this time I was fully engaged. That made a huge difference.
• I counted just about every hour until we got home. Not that I was home sick but this is an act of true sacrifice for me. I was often physically miserable, exhausted and at times quite sick. I came home with a real nasty sinus infection that affected me for a week.
• I did not miss technology as much as I missed my connections. I did not miss home as much this time, as I was very consciously not thinking about it. But I was quite excited to come home.

Never say never but I want to be done with Bolivia for a while. But God may have other plans.

Thanks for our supporters - we really appreciate the help

Update on DirectTV

2009-06-19T20:25:00.003-07:00

Still loving it - the channels for the US Open this week are great - why I would ever go back

New image on my laptop

2009-06-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

At work, I have steadfastly refuse to run the corporate laptop image now for going on 8 years. I have had real reasons plus some real desires to run software that I knew the image would not let me run.

recently, changes in corporate security policy have made need to get the image. What a disaster.

first, I had to reqire my home wireless network, to meet the corporate images security requirements. then the firewall gets in the way, everywhere. Here is small list of things blocked by the firewall installed on the image:

1. Can not use any desktop email client to call out to popmail. Popmalil port 110 is blocked
2. google chrome and safari do not work - the firewall makes the HTTP header look like it is coming from only IE
3. Windows Live writer can not post to Blogger - port blocked
4. Can not VNC to my Linux box at home - port blocked
5. Firefox is installed but very slow - again look at the IE issue -

In short - running this thing off the corporate network is down right impossible - it is the worst decision ever to go with the corporate image - truly maddening what is in place and so I have decisions to make.

I need an email client for home, a better surfing experience. I have a ton of internet speed but I am getting none of it with the laptop. the firewall is the culprit as everything goes through it. How do I know, I uninstalled and it the machine flew.

Do I buy a machine, use the linux one as just a home machine for surfing and email somehow.

Setting up a Wi-FI Repeater at home

2009-05-28T20:40:00.001-07:00

As I am working more from home these days, my wife and I went to Ikea and bought some new furniture for a home office. We put in into the play room upstairs. One small problem: the wireless network upstairs in the playroom was weak.

I went online and looked at solutions. Two jumped out. The first was a product from Linksys that acted as a repeater – that was its entire job. I bought one from Ebay that was substantially off from Retail. read a bunch online on how to set this up. Got it set up after an hour or so and put in the upstairs hallway. Never could get it to work though with the wireless solutions. Back to Ebay.

The second solution was take a Linksys wireless router (Linksys WRT54G Wireless-G Router) and make it a repeater. Instructions were provided online on how to install DD-WRT micro on the the version 5 and then I had instructions on how to make it a repeater. Bought one of Ebay, installed dd-wrt as instructed, set up the repeater and viole, we now have great wireless coverage in the play room.

One more vote for DD-WRT

Update on Working on Wells Fargo

2009-04-12T21:32:00.001-07:00

In eighth grade, I started private school. I was one on 20 boys/teenagers joining a class of 80, many of whom had been at this school as kindergartners. Although we were all new to the Middle School, the the twenty outsiders, it was a tough road. We walked into a new school, with few or no friends (I knew two people coming in with me). That year was rough on two accounts:

We were thrown into new situations from day 1 and expected to swim. From how to wear ties everyday to eating lunch family style, there was a ton of new things we are asked to do that we never given much grace.
Class work – most of us had the ability but we lacked the background. I remember vividly struggling through 8th grade English with grammar – I had the abilitybut lack two years of class room teaching. Math was the same – I was stuck in a lower match class for 4 years – had the ability but was missing a year of instruction. I tried in 9th grade for a while but it never took.

So how does the carry over to Wells – simply this – Every day there is some new method of doing things – often the same as Wachovia, sometimes totally new. the Wells folks I think know that we do not know the new way, but they forget all the time. in fact, the better acclimated you are with the Wells teams, the more they tend to forget.

It gets tiring having to remind the Wells person that I do not understand that process, nor that I can comply. In some places, the old Wachovia process is still in place (example: the Wachovia performance process is in place for 2009 but I have been handed a set of Wells Fargo MBOs that are not in my Wachovia goals tool). Moreover, it takes time to learn new processes and comply. And that time is not being given. I feel every day I falling behind, while focusing on the immediate but getting a chance to understand how to do my new to me job. Again, I have the ability but need the instruction.

In 8th grade, I survived and stayed. Sports was my outlet. I went from being a medium fish in a deep pond (something like 6 kids from my pee wee football team went on to play Division 1 sports) to a medium fish in a small pond. I got to play three sports, and play lacrosse which public school did not have. Still wondering the hook for Wells long term (besides a job)

Kicking VOIP to the curb

2009-03-01T21:04:00.001-08:00

Well, after six months we kicked VOIP to the curb. The call quality was just not there. My wife hated it. I liked it but was getting some complaints from work. The final death nail was new conference lines at work that the VOIP could not dial. I could not get it to work. So back to AT&T we went.

I liked PowerPhone a bunch.

48 hours into Direct TV

2009-01-25T21:01:00.001-08:00

Ok, I feel like an idiot. What was I thinking. Because this is AWESOME. Here is the experience so far:

Two men crew showed up at 10:30am Friday. Very professional guys, used to install for Time Warner. I ended paying them $60 to move the cable to keep Internet access. That was very well and in the end no problems. They were at the house for 2.5 hours. It went well and they left with all TVs in perfect shape.

The TV is so clear it was scary. Seriously, it is amazing and really beautiful. But the kicker is HD. HD is unreal how clear it is. It blew me away.

Also, the extras have been nice. I have four extra channels in HD of the Australian Open.

The only real miss is the local weather channels.

Updating the home computer network

2009-01-19T20:51:00.001-08:00

As the kids get older, we need to add compute power to the household. So here is a project; add a new computer and migrate the rest. The roster:

Sony Viao running XP in the playroom – crashed again- purchased as a factory refurb off uBid in 2003
Dell in the study running XP media in the study – main computer – 2007 off eBay
The router

The Plan

Take the Viao and turn it into a dedicated backup server in the study. Take the Dell and put into the playroom. And buy a new machine. Add another printer.

Ubuntu and the Viao

I decided to put Linux on the Viao. It sounded like the perfect solution for the problem. I choose Ubuntu client. I downloaded the ISO and created a CD. Loaded into the Viao and away it went. I decided to nuke the machine with a complete fresh. It went perfect and I was very impressed by the product. It has everything I think you need to run as client. It it was relatively quick on the hardware we had. Very impressed.

Backup up to Linux

The first task is to back up the machines to the new Linux client. Bunch of research later on Google, I started looking at rysnc. I t was very promising. However after two hours, I gave up. I think it is the right answer but I decided to use a hammer. So I have built a set of batch files that will wipe out the last update (remove the directory via rmdir), create the directory again, and finally xcopy the entire the directory into the directory. Crude but effective given I have strong connections between machines. Took some trial and error (almost wiped out my hard drive on this laptop). But it works now and I can schedule this to run weekly via the Windows scheduler. Problem solved for now.

New machine

I ordered a new AMD machine with 4Gig of RAM and 500G hard drive. The machine is mainly a email, web browser, Quicken type of machine. I did not need a very big video processor. Nice machine with lots of USB ports. I debated which OS to install. I have an MSDN subscription so I had some options. Thought about Windows 7 (too risky), Vista (why would I again) or XP home. I went with XP Home SP3. The machine is simply a brick with a BIOS. Made the install, added the motherboard and video card driver (supplied) and set the machine up. Nice box and everything appears to be working. Seller was allpczone. Good stuff

I had to hold a week before I could start moving machines around. Ruth’s science project was due and that needed to get done.

So now we have moved the old Dell to the playroom, added a wireless USB network controller and the new machine in its spot. I moved Ginny’s files via the Linux machine and so far so good.

Payday Lenders

2009-01-16T18:04:00.001-08:00

As part of a large bank, I think we have responsibility to the community for fairness in lending practices. part of that responsibility is to not take advantage of the poor.

As I took my daughter home tonight from Rock Hill, we came down Cherry Road to I-77. I was simply floored by the sheer number of payday and title lenders. Plus pawns shops. There must over 10 payday lenders and at least 6 title lenders.

We know this – when the state government steps and limits the amount that these lenders can charge in interest, they go away. these guys are predators, entrapping the poor in more debt. The fact that South Carolina allows car title lending is even more troubling.

Look, people are responsible for their actions. But the government must provide some sort of guidelines and protection when the strong injure the weak. Many that sound like a liberal thing to say

Moving to Direct TV

2009-01-15T20:35:00.001-08:00

Time for another move for cost moves. Last time was moving to VOIP. So far Ok but not great.

Time to cut the cable. Three reasons:

1. costs- TTWC keeps adding costs each year; we keep cutting service but this is getting old.

2. Quality – I have had to turn so much hardware over time to TWC.

3. The most horrible customer service ever – I think because we are former Adelphia customer we are in some special category, but every time I make an account change they screw up our cable. And can not fix it. Seriously, if my bank acted like TWS< we would be out of business.

I am not sure if it is because of the nature of the monopoly or what but TWC is really a bad company. They have increased the HD channels this year (I think as a reaction to Dish and Direct TV) but still.

So, I signed us up for Direct TV. And it was awesome. Here is why:

A good friend has Direct TV. As such, he referred me. In doing so, we b0th get a $50 off our bills. Pretty cool. So I called in and walk through the deal of signing up. I ended up owning them $106 for a DVR receiver. Fine. The bill each month was still like $20 month cheaper than TWC plus we got back a box in the play room.

We had one up there with TWC and turned it in to save $$, along with getting rid of HBO and Starz this fall.

So, we get more for less. hum, nice idea.

After that I am done, I have to call back in to get the reward set up. But something is amiss. so I get a hold of a rep and have to go through the process all again. But here is why this was better. First, she waived the fee for the DVR and refunded my money. And I got a $10 discount for an entire year. And this was because of the hassle of having to call back in? Customer service? What’s this – So far so good.

So it will cost like $35 less a month – nice and I am getting alot of sports channels – unlike the 10 channel sports pack from TWC – a real sports pack.

And we get HBO and Starz for the first three months for free – man it will be nice to be wanted again.

Dumb moves by major universities on College Football coaches

2009-01-08T21:25:00.001-08:00

As a young man, I was official sports nut. Before the Web, I lived for SportsCenter and followed a ton of different sports. As I have gotten older, I have needed to whittle this list down.

College football remains probably my favorite sport. I watch others, like golf and NFL, but college football stirs the drink. Heck, I started cooking dinner on Saturday as an excuse to watch football. So, here is my diatribe.

2 dumb moves this year as it pertains to college football

1. Auburn – ok, I know you want to be a powerhouse. But firing Tuberville? He just came off beating Alabama six times in a row. They have wanted to “upgrade” for a while, flirting with Bobby Petrino. This move is really wrong and I truly hope Auburn enters purgatory. I can not wait for Auburn alums to pine for the good ole days of Tommy. And his replacement is no winner either. They can thank Bill Lowder, the modern day king maker at Auburn.

2 Boston College - Athletic director Gene DeFilipp will fire Jeff Jagodzinski for talking to the Jets. Ok, I know you want to keep your coach and you can argue that Jagodzinski is still coaching O’brien’s kids. But he took a team which lost alot this year to the ACC championship. What kind of coach will you get who will live with these types of handcuffs? BC is not a destination school for football coaches. Makes no sense and DeFilipp will ruin BC football.

Now for the sad. I agree that it was probably the time for Fulmer to leave at Tennessee. But as Vol fan, it was hard. I really like Fulmer and his time at UT will be remembered well. He won a national championship. I fear that Lane Kiffin is in over his head BUT he is assembling a great staff. Now can they recruit and grow the kids.

The Wells Fargo Wachovia Merger

2009-01-03T12:55:00.001-08:00

I work as a senior IT Architect for Wachovia[Well, I did until today]. I have worked at Wachovia for the last 8 plus years. I have spent another almost 3 years as an employee at then First Union before that. Plus another year as a contractor at First Union. I have spent the majority of my career at what what was Wachovia. Big investment in my time.

I have been waiting to post this for a while, but waited until the merger was official.

Background

I left First Union as an employee in 1997. I left for a lots of reasons. I needed to grow up for sure and had let the job become too important to me. But one very concrete reason I left is that I thought First union and its management was greedy, and it did not think of its customers first. Frankly, I thought Ed Crutchfield was too big for his britches. I was partly right. I was gone for 3 years and in that time First Union went through really tough times. When I came back in 200, I had grown up, I needed a job and First Union had new leadership.

I hoped and truly believed that the new management under Ken Thompson had learned their lessons from the failures of the previous administration. The approach to the Wachovia-First Union merger was unique to First Union, and we really put customer service in front of other priorities. I really felt like the new Wachovia was going to be a great company to work for.

When I joined my current area, I made a conscious decision in my mind to commit myself to my job. As a result of leaving in 1997, I had treated my job is just that a job. My job at PMSC was a good one, but one that I could honestly do most weeks in 30 hours or less. My original job at First Union at CMG was doomed from the start, something I figured our very quickly. I stuck out out of loyalty to the person who hired me, but knew rather quickly that we as a group would at best make limited impact.

But my new job which I started in March of 2002 was very different, one that I knew could be special. So I committed myself, allowed myself to be become emotionally engaged, to actually care deeply about the product and what I did for the first time in a while. And I have been glad that I did. Which has made the whole last few months so much harder for me at a personal level. I have been done this path but never with so much invested. Last time when PMSC/Mynd blew up, I was out the door and saw that coming.

Wachovia’s melt down – My opinion of the cause

Wachovia’s melt down to me comes down to two things really. First is greed. Ken Thompson, desperate to go out West and wanting some of the mortgage riches, bought the wrong company at the wrong time. And from what I know Wachovia did not do two things. It did do the proper due diligence on Golden West. If it had, some of the problems that have come up would have surfaced. Second, people in the line of business were ignored. I truly hoped that Ken Thompson and the board had learned their lessons from the Corestates fiasco. But they did not. They bought the wrong company for the wrong reasons. We are hearing rumors that Golden West hid from Wachovia at the time some of the issues. This is a serious case

The Second is that once we bought Golden West, the legacy Wachovia was not allowed to really run Golden West. If we had, we would have uncovered the mess earlier and maybe gotten ahead of some of this. But we were told to back off. The Sandersons keep saying that Golden West is not what brought Wachovia down. Well, if we do not but Golden West and Golden West beats Indy Mac and WAMU to the bankruptcy window. Golden West was the literal Trojan horse virus.

My old boss, Joe Monk, left Wachovia, just over a year ago. I loved working for Joe. He was always challenging us to be better, to do better and to be leaders. He wanted us to be on the vanguard, taking the calculated risks to make Wachovia a better company. And when the whole Golden West deal, with him losing Mortgage to a new CIO, and then his own person not getting that job, pushed him out the door. It was a bad day for Wachovia. I blame that or Martin. Totally.

The Meltdown

Wachovia’s meltdown will go down in history as a curious case study. IMO, Bob Steele did the best he could, while holding lousy cards and apparently not in the right circles. I think it was criminal that the US government basically decided that Citi should succeed and Wachovia should not. Not the market, but a couple of people in DC.

Could we have survived if we got the bailout? Probably but wounded. But still, we could have survived.

The day it all went down, that week was just surreal. I woke up at 4am on Monday, well aware that Wachovia’s fate was on the hook. I watched the early new, put on a Wachovia shirt while we were still a company. By the time I got into work, the news that Citi was buying Wachovia was out. I ran into some colleagues in the cafeteria and we talked for an hour. I went upstairs, knowing that the day was shot. The saga of the last three or so weeks had come to this. We start hearing some things, had a conference call with senior management. By 2, I was so emotionally exhausted that I went home and went to bed. The day was that overwhelming. I have never done that before BTW.

That week was just surreal. By Wednesday, we are hearing more about Citi and what it means. Friday I walk in and Wells is back in. And I see the same colleagues, same table in the cafeteria and we talk. the next few tow weeks we wait to see our fate.

I could not tell if we were the fairest at the ball that two suitors wanted or just the next fat piece of meat that two shoppers were arguing over who got it.

The aftermath

Wachovia has been bought. Pure and simple. We were on the other side of the coin. Everyone around was worried about our jobs. although Wells came into Charlotte with a great message, it was still up in the air.

Personally, I was tapped to work on a merger documents very early and was really busy in late October and November preparing architecture models for initial meetings between Wells and Wachovia. it was really good to be busy. From there, I have been paired up with tow Wells guys in Minnesota working on early SOA integration perspectives, while reconciling our two XML standards. They are really down to earth and easy to work with. We have a couple of rough patches but nothing that was impassible. We have shared openly and quickly developed a real working relationship.

But I believe that I was a real exception. The overall lack of information was appalling and frankly I felt really poorly lead by Enos and Davis. This is the time to over communicate, share what you are seeing, and be candid. We have gone many weeks with little or no information. plus the reality is that so far the vast majority of leadership positions have gone Wells. The IT org has Wells firmly in charge and I anticipate that I will be working for a Well CIO very soon.

The system selection is due in about three weeks and this will be the real telling point. If we select the core SORs from Wells, then I think much of the current org that I reside in will slowly disappear over time. Many people will either retire or be let go.

Even so, much of the hard work I have done in the last 6 years is surely heading away. Hard to swallow but it is the truth. I feel confident that many of the channel solutions that I have worked on in one fashion or another will be sunset.

The Future of banking in Charlotte and me

I decided in mid-November that I wanted to at least try on the Wells coat and see if it fits. It most likely means at minimum having a new boss in another city. Been there, done that and understand the challenges. There is both freedom in that (with a blackberry I can work just about anywhere) but many challenges (the ability to sit down casually and share ideas and concepts is not there). I will have to work extra hard in the next two years to establish my credibility again all over. It is part of the deal, whenever you walk into a new situation you have to prove yourself all over,resume be damned.

But I have lived here 18 years, have deep roots in the area, my family is deeply engaged in the community. Would I move? Sure. My wife has already found a house in Minnesota she likes. But I really want to stay.

I will say this unequivocally: I am very hopeful for 2009, the first time I can say that in 2 to 3 years. I knew 2008 was going to be hard, and it was much harder than I could have ever guessed. But I think in many ways what legacy Wachovia needed was a kick in the pants. And we got that. The new Wells as a company may be well positioned to be a powerhouse.

I also believe this: with GMAC and Merrill Lynch both becoming banks, they will start up the retail operations in Charlotte, most likely in South Charlotte. I would suspect that in ten years Charlotte’s role as the retail banking center of the US may be enhanced. There is strong working capital in this city to do that, a continued pro-business climate, and relatively inexpensive wages.

Guest Blogger – Ginny Brown on Dating

2009-01-03T08:57:00.001-08:00

So I have been married now for almost 15 years and I don’t date any more. Well, not in the same sense anyway. Dating is much more fun when you are married…you never have to define the relationship or put brakes on things physically…unless location is an issue..and that can be easily resolved.

But I find myself thinking quite a bit lately about dating, just the same. I guess because several people I know and love are dating…or rather not dating…or doing something that some might consider dating and others wouldn’t. Now don’t go and try to figure out if I’m talking about you. Actually, there are a lot of “you” out there, not just one or two.

I realize dating in every definition of the word has and is changing, which makes me feel old. But in the same vein human nature does not change. Men are still men, thinking and acting like men…and women are women, thinking and acting like women. And they still don’t think and act like one another. You see God really does have a sense of humor.

So this is the question I have been pondering: how, as brothers and sisters in Christ, do you date well…in a way that honor God first and foremost and other people as well. It has been challenging to consider. My first realization is that I have an opinion, that while good and maybe Godly, is just that…an opinion. The first step in truly thinking about this is to lay down some of my own reasoned thoughts…to consider others.

I have known many people who have dated “successfully” ( meaning they are now married). And no two stories are alike. Chris and I dated 6months and were engaged for 6months, going from first date to the altar all neatly within one year. My friends, Virginia and Mitch, were high school sweethearts…which means they dated a LONGGGGGG time. Karen and Billy were engaged within a month (and that might be stretching it a little). Tamarin and Scott dated during college and part of grad school, waiting to get somewhat on their feet…Jeff and Stuart got married before her junior year.

Some had long engagements, others not. My friend Holly didn’t tell Jeff she loved him until she new she was ready to marry him. Laura and Scott dated on and off (mostly on as they got older) but never lived in the same state, ore even close. David and Michele live next door to his parents….Brenda and Bob got married and since have never lived less than a days drive from any of their family.

All these people love the Lord passionately. They love God now and when they dated and tried/try to honor him through it all. If you spoke to any random couple I mentioned they could tell you things they may have done differently when dating. But they could also point you to things that were really good…that helped prepare them for marriage and uniquely strengthened their bond with one another and relationship with Christ.

So in all humility I affirm that there is no one Godly way to date. There are many, and they are as unique as the two individuals and the circumstances they live out. This makes it kind of tenuous as we seek to advise, mentor and hold others accountable in their dating relationships. Yet, I do think there is some sound advice that I would stand by regardless. And here it is…

1. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, then you need to only date others who share this belief. You need to be very distinct in how you characterize “belief”. Many people attend church and believe in God, and still many others believe in Jesus. But a belief that shapes your daily life, thoughts and decisions is distinctly different . If you share a common faith in Jesus, it should be a evident part of your dating relationship from the start. If you don’t share this, then you need to end the relationship/quit going out and talking on the phone rather quickly.

2. You need to have good communication…meaning each party needs to know “what’s going on”. Periodically, you need to have conversations that define and affirm what exactly is the nature of the relationship. It is more important that you both understand the nature of the relationship and AGREE about that nature, than whether you are dating or whatever.

3. Life is full of relationships where one party is interested only in friendship and the other party wants more. While the first party does sometimes come to change their desire and want more, I think it is more often likely that they do not. Attraction is unpredictable and often irrational thing; however, it cannot be willed. One cannot become attracted to someone simply because they think it makes good sense…or whatever other reason you think of. The longer you know someone and the closer you are the less likely these factors seem to change. If you desire more from someone who just wants to be your friend, you have two unpleasant/painful choices. You can continue to spend time together which will most likely flame your desire or you can begin to place some boundaries in the relationship that allows physical and emotional space for your heart to heal and become less attached. If you do not choose to step back, you will almost always be deeply hurt when your “friend” begins to date another. Yet it is very difficult to choose to step back as well. However, the hope is that if you do step back that you may be able to preserve your friendship. In essence, you are pulling back so that the relationship will once again be a “friendship” to both of you.

4. You must be brutally honest with yourself about what you desire in a relationship and how deeply you desire it. There is a BIG difference between a crush on a friend that might develop into more and an intimate friendship that you long to be more than a friendship. You set yourself up to be deeply hurt by ignoring your heart in this matter. Intimate friendships between the opposite sexes need to be clearly and defined and affirmed in order to avoid needless pain for one or both parties.

5. If you are in a serious dating relationship…

A. it is extremely advisable that you jointly and individually seek counsel of others. You need your friends to tell you what they think and to hold you accountable. You need mentors in your church body to walk alongside you as well.

B. You need to have a plan for how to preserve your purity. You two should discuss this as it is a most difficult tasks in our culture.

C. If you are too young to be thinking about marriage, then you need to rethink how serious this relationship should be and how to spend time together without becoming so deeply intimate with one another. You need to limit the amount of time you talk/text/im.etc. and choose to spend your time together mostly in groups and family settings.

D. Even if you don’t foresee marriage as an option in the near future, it should be part of the picture. The end goal of all serious dating should be to find and marry the love of your life. If this person is not it and is not like to become it, then you should consider moving on.

Another trip to Disney on a different plan – Part 4 the Finale

2008-12-31T16:54:00.001-08:00

Friday

Last Day at WDW. Ruth is sick, very sick. She has the stomach bug. And she is a no-go. We have a reservation at 10:20 at Ohanas. so, Ginny drops off Anna and I at 8:45 for Mk. Anna and I manage to do all three mountains in an hour and 5 minutes. We hit Space, Big Thunder, and Splash while we got fast passes to Peter Pan and Buzz for later. Anna and I met up with the rest of family at the Polynesian.

We love this restaurant. We had a great brunch with the characters. Ginny went back with Ruth; she barely ate.

Huck, Anna and I then toured the park, focusing on Huck. That meant Laugh floor again (I texted a joke for him). Not as funny the second time. We then hit Buzz, TTA, Buzz again. Time for a snack, while Anna rode space mountain. Huck and I rode the Indy Cars again; the video is the key here

Huck and I went to do Peter Pan and Small World while Anna did the Haunted Mansion. And that was it. We were done.

Ginny came and picked us up. We made dinner at home. Ruth was feeling a little better, enough for us to head over to Poly for the fireworks.

Note: starting Thursday traffic was building on 192. Tonight there was a great deal more traffic but we could park at Poly. We managed to shop some at Poly, then see the fireworks. Last thing of the night was to Capt. Hooks for ice cream. Which Ruth threw up in the parking lot. Did I mention she was sick, really sick.

Saturday – Heading Home

Ginny and I parked up some on Friday night. Saturday we finished packing up and heading home. We were desperate to do something more; Ruth was feeling a little better but Anna was not well. This stuff was not fun. After checking out of our place, getting some drugs and breakfast, we hit Downtown Disney for Disney Quest.

Disney Quest and SeaWorld were on our list; SeaWorld missed the list but not Disney Quest. I love DQ and could spend a most of a day there. We did the Pirates ride there. You can see how this ride was a part of the Toy Story ride. But Ruth was getting dizzy, Anna felt horrible and wanted to go home. So we left after like 2 hours and grabbed some lunch at Wolfgang’s again. Good food until Ruth threw up again in the parking lot. She is feeling better.

We get in the car and make it home in 9 hours. Sirius radio made the trip much quicker.

Reflections

As a family, we have been to WDW plenty. I have been so much personally that I know my way around WDW. We know the parks, what we like and don't like. We know which restaurants we really like, which hotels we like and how to park at them for reduced parking.

Here is the Good and Bad

The Good

The House0 thanks to Ginny for finding. I love staying on property but one room for 5 of us for that long is just hard. So the house was convenient and a great deal.
Not park hopping – saved like $250 and would have not used it
Spending time with each of my kids at WDW – I had one on one time with Anna and Huck, and Ruth and I watched the parade and fireworks together at MK.
The Christmas party at MK
AK with the Haas’.
Not buying a bunch of junk – we did not spend alot of time shopping and I felt like we did not buy much junk. We did buy a couple things for Huck that were junkish but not really. Concentrated effort on our part.
Flip video – nice to have some video.

The Bad

Ruth getting sick – really destroyed the last two and half days
Dinner at Brown Derby
Me being sick the first day
Worrying about money – while I was down at WDW I found out that we either have to take our extra vacation in 09 or can sell it back. Well, I am selling 14 days back, which is 2/3rd of a month extra salary – should pay for most of the trip
EPCOT – still do not get this park.

Reflections

Every time we leave, I think we will not be back for a while. I think this time it might be true for two reasons:

It is getting harder to pull away from tow during the school year for the girls. Anna especially missed school. As Ruth moves to middle school, this will become harder. I refuse to go during breaks due to crowds. And the summer is out – just way too hot. So, we are in a bit of a quandary.
Anna liked but did not loves as in the past. Increasingly, their friends are more important.

This fact use to really sadden me, but as I write this I see it as just life. I still love WDW and always will. I do know that I am done going by myself. I need to go with my family or some part of it.

Time for a break from WDW.

Another trip to Disney on a different plan – Part 3

2008-12-28T22:12:00.001-08:00

Wednesday

Given our late night, our plan was to low key the day until the afternoon. We headed to Hollywood studios, arriving in the afternoon at 2pm. We swam in the morning. (Did I mention that we had heated the pool. It was great). The weather was awesome all weak,around 80.

We did the park in a new manner this day, saying together for a while then we sent the girls on their way. The did awesome together. We first rode the Movie ride (needs some help), did the the exhibit from the Narnia movies (really, really lame). The girls then took off to do Rock-n-Roll rollercoaster. And took our tickets.

Huck, Ginny and I preceded to wait for well over an hour for the brand new, way in too much demand Toy Story Mania. It was really amazing ride. Ginny now calls it her new favorite. Her is Huck and I

We met up with the girls next after getting some pictures with Huck’s favorites

We met for dinner at Brown Derby. This restaurant was a major, major no go. Probably one of a couple restaurants that I would tell someone to not go to (Tony’s in Magic Kingdom is on that list). Anna lost a ticket but I had it replaced. From here, we split up and I rode Rock n Roll Coaster with the girls. Still an absolutely amazing ride. We then met up with Huck and Ginny to do Toy Story as a family

The girls then took off for one last ride on Rock n Roll while Ginny, Huck and I saw the Osbourne lights. We met up with the girls with Ruth complaining alot about her neck. More later

Thursday or the Day the Trip goes off the rails

Today was suppose to be Epcot day. So we thought. We are running slow, which is typical for our fourth day. I take Ruth, Anna and I over to Epcot for fast passes. The plan was to get passes and come back for later in the day. Ruth is not looking well; in fact she is not well at all. By the time we get back to the house she is not well. I had stopped by to get her some over the counter drugs but these were not working. So Plan B. I take Huck, Anna and I to the movies. Huck and I see Bolt in 3-D, Good movie but 3-D was amazing. Ginny calls me in the middle of the movie (Anna is watching Twilight in the another theater on the other side of the moon.)Ginny is very worried and mentions meningitis. So we go home to take Ruth to the hospital at Celebration. Well, that is what we decided after an hour of discussion.

Huck, Anna and I hit up Epcot (dinner was somewhere in here as was lunch, although I think lunch was in this night). We drop off Ginny and Ruth, and have like 50 minutes in the park. We only get to do Test Track (Huck was a trooper but not sure if he really liked it). Ginny calls us, No meningitis and the doctor somehow diagnoses strep with no test. We pick up the the tow form the hospital.

Come to find out there is nasty stomach virus at WDW and Ruth is the first to get it. She threw up in the hospital and will be down for the count the rest of the trip. She is wiped out most of Friday.

having the house was really good. We can isolate Ruth, have room to get around. I could not imagine if this had happened in a single hotel room. No one wants to get sick at WDW. Ruth loves WDW to the core, maybe more than me. She tried so hard to keep up.

Anna I think had a touch of what I had later in the week as well. This is the second time we have been done to WDW in December and been sick. Maybe there is a message there.

That night Ginny and I went over to Poly. My favorite WDW hotel. We have dessert at Kona’s (a great banana chocolate crème brulee) and see the fireworks from the beach. And we make up. I have been somewhat of jerk, unwilling to face the reality of the situation and unable to make lemonade. Not my strong suit. It is WDW and I want to go, but that is not in the cards.

Another trip to Disney on a different plan – Part 2

2008-12-28T21:42:00.001-08:00

Monday

Monday was our first day. We had plans to meet up with the Haas’ at Animal Kingdom. it was their last day. Our plan had been to meet up when the park opened. Of course we were late and I lost my ticket. Well, I found it buried in my pocket.

Some background

Usually we are so prepared when we hot WDW, have read books, I have hung out for hours on different WDW sites. Not this time. We have been too busy and too stressed. For me, that was unsettling but nothing I could do.

Honestly, Monday was a great day. First up was Everest which really messed me up. I was sick with something and was not well for another 35 hours. We did the new to us Nemo show which was great, the safari, etc. We even did Kali river ride like 5 times. At it was cold . Ginny was soaked. We hung out with the Haas; most of the day and finished up with them on the rapids ride. I would love to go to WDW with another family some time.

Here is a quick video

We ate lunch that day at Tusker House. It was ok, but not that great. Been to Boma and I like Boma better.

We tried to meet up with Haas’ but we ended up passing by. We stayed home.

Tuesday

This was our day for the Christmas party. We had been once as a family 3 years ago. Ginny had to miss most with it as Huck and Ruth were not well. I had gone tow years ago by myself and really loved it.

Since we would be up late that day, we decided to not do a park. We discussed doing Disney quest but went shopping. First up was lunch at Wolfgang Puck’s Express. Best meal of the week.

Then we hit Downtown Disney. And the mega Disney store that drives me nuts. plus I am feeling puny. We did do the Lego store and then went home.

We are suppose to get in the park at 4pm but we did not make it until 5, I was feeling lousy and fell asleep. Interestingly, I was all better by that night and was finally myself. I swear it was I ate in Cary.

We parked at the Contemporary. We realized that although Disney has free dining it still is not too crowded. We rode the monorail and Huck and I rode in front. It is my boy’s favorite ride at WDW. Chip off the old block.

Here is a video we shot

So nice to be in shorts. We hit up all of the major rides we love, did the new Monster, Inc Laugh flo0r (really cool concept but after the first time it loses its luster). We saw the parade and the show back to back, plus Ginny saw another show.

We saw the fireworks from Splash Mountain which we rode 4 times in a row without getting off. Huck loved the official Brown Family WDW ride.

Huck hung tough until midnight and we got home at midnight. He did not enjoy the Pooh ride but loved the Goofy rollercoaster. Interesting. In fact, all of Fantasyland was one big whatever from my boy. But he loved (for a while ) Buzz Lightyear and driving the Indy Cars. More on that later.

I think the Christmas party is so much better than the Halloween party. We loved it .

Another trip to Disney on a different plan – Part 1

2008-12-28T21:14:00.001-08:00

If you know us, we love Disney World. As dad, I am the chief Disney World lover. In fact, this is my third trip to Orlando and the WDW area in 2008.

Background

My wife convinced me that a trip to Disney was the great Christmas gift. The kids did not need anything (really true) and I could really use the trip. We debated for a while, then my wife found an off property house for a great rate. We decided to make the plunge. Then the economy tanked and Wachovia went into the death spin. I struggled with actually spending the money and coming down to WDW. My wife to her credit never waivered.

So this time we made a different plan. Last time we surprised the girls, and they all joined as I was down at WDW for a technology conference. It was a quick trip, at break neck speed, leaving everyone excited but exhausted. So this trip is decidedly is slower and less crazy.

The Plan

We took the kids out of school for the last week. Anna had a swim meet up in Cary, so she and I went up there on Friday and were home late Saturday. The plan had been to leave early on Sunday but we got off at 8:30. It was cold when we left with a promise of warm weather in Florida. The trip was just under 10 hours with stops. I figured that driving adds about 4 hours to the trip versus flying. Here is how

Huntersville to Kissimmee is like 8 and half hours pure drive time or so. Flying with three kids means leaving two hours prior to take off, a flight that is 90 minutes, plus another 60 minutes to 75 minutes on the ground in MCO. So by flying we get into into Orlando in 5 hours or less.

So, we got to Orlando, got our keys to the house and found our house. it was in the Indian Ridge(Indian Ridge Trail S, Kissimmee, FL 34747). Nice 4 bedroom house, with a pool. It had a small kitchen, and a washer and dryer. The house was what we needed in so many ways. it was very close to Disney, and we managed our way around quite nicely.

Conclusion

We are in Florida, the kids are swimming in a pool and it is warm. I am not feeling so hot. More to come…

Tired of Death

2008-12-02T21:32:00.001-08:00

In the last 16 months, I have experienced four deaths. Two were in our family, as the last of the greatest generation is dying off. My uncle and Ginny’s aunt each succumb to cancer in the first half of 2008. Both of these individuals had lead long, productive and great lives. Their deaths were sad, but also expected in many ways.

In the same time, I watched my close friend Robert suddenly lose his son Jude, through a tragic drowning. And today Elliot Brumm was laid to rest, having suffered a car accident. In each case, an accident snapped short a brilliant light, way too soon.

In all four cases, I can sit and know emphatically that each is in heaven. no question, no doubt. But Lord, I am weary of death. Of the sadness, the grief, the anguish and sorrow left in its wake. Yes, their is assuredness.

But two families are left with large holes. Each has gone from 6 t0 5. Each father is missing a son. Each mother has one less boy to dote on (and yes they are always their mama’s boy). How does one ever consider taking that first family photo with a obvious hole? Pain unspeakable, unshakeable.

I am reminded today that the Brumms will move forward as have the Gilliams. But a part of their family after today is stuck in November 2008, and will fork off in a new different direction. They need and require our prayer and love.

I am weary of death and its impact and upheaval.

Two families are left a widow and a widower, left behind after a life time of living in unison. I think in many ways that is the cruelest. How does one to living as a single person after living life for so long married? In my honesty and true selfishness, I hope I die before my wife so I never have to face that loneliness, that heartache of lose.

I am weary of death, of its finality, of its hugeness and scorched earth policy. yet, I know hope and know where it comes from. So, death, I am weary of you and say to you GO AWAY. You have had your time again in my life, to remind again on the briefness of time and the lack of guarantee of that time. I need to turn again to hope and joy, in a empty tomb that signified a new path. I am reminded again to live well, with intentionality in choice and focus.

I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
~Henry David Thoreau

“We don’t beat the Reaper by living longer. We beat the Reaper by living well.” Randy Pausch Last Lecture

Reflecting on another untimely death

2008-11-30T21:10:00.001-08:00

Yesterday we received one of those calls; Elliot Brumm has died early Saturday morning in a car crash, apparently on the way home.

Elliot had been with Anna and I on our short-term mission trip to Bolivia. More like we went on his trip. You see Elliot loved going to Bolivia and it gave him a sense of purpose.

Elliott was a colorful, full of life kid. He had lived well beyond his 19 years and was one of those kids who had seen alot by 19, making him both wise and curious.

This is the second time in a 16 months that I have been close to death of the wrong kid, the death of a child. In each case, my reflection turns to the hole left behind. I know Jude Gilliam and Elliot are in heaven. Elliot, despite his roughness, knew Christ. But the whole in each family is palpable. The whole where a boy stood. a hole of personality and a role in the family. to me this is the real heartache left. Families are weird things. Families are more than a sum of the parts. Mine is still forming, as Huck grows up his role in the family is emerging. But our 5 have a its own swagger and view, one that I cherish and miss. Tonight, we (minus Huck) were watching the Amazing Race in our master bed. I absolutely love those little snippets of time

Reflections on the Presidential Election and the Loss of Respect

2008-11-09T20:11:00.001-08:00

We have come through another election for the President. My wife and I again cancelled each again with our votes. We have been doing that for quite a long time. When we were first married, I use to brow beat my wife, trying to change her point of view and thus her vote.

I have learned to appreciate her point of view. Although we continue to disagree, we have come to to place where we acknowledge of the strengths of each others positions. As we discussed this election, we both agree that respect, moreover the lack of respect for the opposing view is a huge problem. Ironically, I felt that McCain and Obama respected each other more than the either party wanted them to.

I read an article that calls out the treatment of Bush. I agree with this article 100% . President Bush has been treated very unkindly by the media, with a general mocking of him at a extremely personal level. Some of it is down right mean. But the irony to me is that this was started by the 90s by the right. The same treatment of disrespect towards Clinton was only ratcheted up with the left towards Bush.

I like Rush Limbaugh, and I think he has a role. But the fact that he has complaining about this as well is amusing. He was one who is an instigator to this lack of respect for opposing views. But lets not forget, with people like Al Franken and Keith Olbermann who treat social conservatives and right wing Christians as pariahs. Neither side is one to admire here. Neither believes the opposing view has merit, and anyone believing in the opposing view is foolish, dumb and a moron. Hollywood treats social conservatives as naive boobs, and then wondering why such material does not sell in Kansas.

And with the 24 hour news networks, these views only are becoming sharper, as the one who can shout the loudest, often saying the most absurd thing gets the day.

In the end, we need to see the opposing view as someone who merit, with respect. But I am afraid that is in short supply and our new President will face a whole round of disrespect, sharper than before. It sells unfortunately. And it sickens

Summer's Best two weeks

2008-08-04T19:48:00.001-07:00

This summer, the older two, Ruth and Anna, went to camp. For two weeks. Specifically, Summer's Best Two weeks. In Pennsylvania.

Well, they came back this weekend. Ginny and I went up last Thursday and got them Friday. Wow. What an amazing camp and experience. Ruth's counselors were a graduate of JMU, who is going on Young Life staff in Richmond and a rising senior at JMU.

I would say that I felt very old picking my kids up from camp the other day. it was a very good old.

VOIP SO far

2008-07-18T17:51:00.001-07:00

Well, this was easy. On Wednesday our phone number was moved from AT&T to Phone Power. I got home, went out outside and pulled the RJ11 plug outside. This plug tied the outside lane to the inside line. Then I plugged the phone line from the the provided Grand Stream device into the phone plug in the wall and we had phone service across the house. And it sounds great!!!

The VOIP experiment

2008-07-12T14:43:00.001-07:00

I am always looking at ways to save money on utilities; we have switched telephones a couple of times to get reduced bills. We had BellSouthl and I have watched the bill grow each year especially as AT&T took over. Why am I paying 20% more than I was three years ago.

I have been looking at VOIP and decided it was time. Time Warner offers it but when I called them they could not port my number. I did a bunch of research and came up with two things:

1. There are a bunch of vendors; Vonage was not the top. I choose Phone Power. Out of the LA area; small vendor with lots of experience.

2, It was recommended that I change out the firmware on my Linksys router. So I did I am now running DD-WRT. there is a great deal of help on the Internet to help out with it. It was little harrowing and my wireless connection has needed to be upgraded to new firmware as well. But so far so good.

Now for the real fun; I have the Phone Power up and running on one phone and I think it sounds ok. But I need to unwire the phone system from AT&T to run on the internal network Sounds scary but again lots web pages with instructions. It will be interesting.

So hopefully mid-week we kick AT&T to the curb.

Reviewing our Movie watching paradigm

2008-07-12T14:22:00.001-07:00

So, five months ago we ditched Blockbuster and keep HBO and Starz. We are onto a new experience. We ditched HBO and Starz both. Paying $22 for the two, with mainly me and Anna watching them. I love HBO but I have to come to realize that the release time between major movies on DVD and HBO was increasing (the DVD window has shrunk significantly) and for some reason HBO has really reduced the quantity and quality of original programming. I loved Starz for its quantity of movies but again most of them were retreads. So, I think we are heading back to Blockbuster All Access.

Our Crazy summer so far

2008-06-24T19:45:00.001-07:00

This summer we are staying home. The last two summers have had many weeks away. The kids and Ginny spent over four weeks last summer on the road. For a various reasons, we are planning to be her much of the first part of the summer. However, that has meant we are really busy.

Anna is swimming for two swim teams and this week she is helping out with VBS. We just came through a period where she had a swim meet 6 days out of 8. Wow.

Ruth is swimming for Birkdale, taking tutor classes twice a week, and tae-kwon do. and she is in VBS this week as well.

Huck is taking swim lessons this week and next.

Poor Ginny, her head is spinning with all of this. She is taking her tae-kwon-do as well while running the kids around.

And this is summer, when things are suppose to easy. Hum

E-Ticket

2008-03-14T18:53:00.001-07:00

I started to send a message to Bryant Barr, to tell him to enjoy the E-ticket ride he is on this year with Davidson basketball. But then I realized that is way too young to remember the big deal about E-Tickets. Here is a great definition of E-Ticket.

E-tickets were the golden ticket at Disney World. You only three and they had to be rationed. My wife told her grandparents handed them a book of WDW tickets with all of the E-Tickets. They had visited and not used them!!. Gold mine.

You see, back then you paid to park and then bough a book of tickets. park entry was technically free.

Which gets me to best part of this post: when I was about 12 my parents took me to WDW to stay on-site. Back then there was only two hotels and the camp ground. The Polynesian and the Contemporary were the only ones, but of course the Magic Kingdom was the only park. We stayed at the Contemporary, in the North Wing (now demolished). Four things stood out

1. the Hotel was huge and amazing. Our room seemed enormous. I think we had a corner room so it was bigger. I have since stayed in one of the Contemporary wings and those rooms are big.

2. my parents gave me full reign; I was able to run around and do all kinds of things. I had saved my allowance and I rented one of the motorboats a few times. A twelve year old in a little motor boat. Way too much fun.

3. I went to River country one afternoon and had a blast. That was a fun water park, too bad it is closed. I also went on that trip with my parents to Wet N Wild which was brand new. Yeah, my love of water parks started early

4. Finally, the best part. Disney has always treated the military well. My dad's teaching partner at the time (and still good friend) is a retired navy pilot. He got us this deal were not only did we stay onsite for a reduced rate but we got essentially an unlimited pass. As I remember, I had a lanyard that I wore that let me on any ride I wanted. I remember getting up by myself and leaving my parents in bed to be first in the park. I rode Space Mountain over and over. I most of rode 6 times in a row. That was amazing and really cool.

A day Mountainearing

2008-02-26T21:17:00.001-08:00

I has a chance on Monday Feb. 25th to head to the Magic Kingdom for the day. I had been in Florida visiting my parents at the the Villages. The Villages is a retirement community about an hour and twenty minutes away from WDW. think lots of blue hairs, golf carts, and 4:30 dinners. But I had a lot fun of with my parents, and my Dad and I played golf in shorts.

Back to MK. I left very early, before 7 to head to MK. Thanks to our new GPS system, I was in the parking lot of the MK at 8am. The park was opening at 9 but I had a breakfast reservation at Crystal Palace at 8:25am. I used the points from our Disney Visa for park admission and souvenirs for everyone.

I was in the park at 8:20, heading down Main Street USA. I has massive goose bumps as I stepped back into my favorite place in the World. I counted that this was 27th actual visit to MK. Wow.

This was a picture of the castle; still a great view. Off to breakfast with Pooh. The puffed French toast was great and so were the eggs. I really ate a big breakfast with lots of water. And three bananas. It was going to be hot and I needed the energy.

After a great breakfast, it was to Mountainearing. Mountainearing is a T-short of the three mountains in MK: Space, Splash and Big Thunder. As I walked through Frontierland towards Splash, it was empty. I counted 7 people. I was thinking it could be light day. I was so wrong as I would find out.

I rode Splash first, and I was soaked. It was running full bore and the water cannon got me good. I got a fast pass for Splash and road again. it was walk on. Then I went over to Big thunder which was maybe a five minute wait. I then got a fast pass for Big Thunder. Three mountain rides and two fast passes in hand by 10:10 am. Good start.

[Sidebar: several years ago I was out in LA for a conference for work and went to Disney Land, early one Sunday morning. I was on east coast time, so I was there very early. I was able to do most of the park by noon with little crowds. It was an amazing day]

I jumped the Train, hitting Toon Town. I really wanted a picture with Mickey, but the line was way too long. Off to Space Mountain. It was a 15 minute wait and then I took off. That ride was way faster than I remember it. it was flying. I got my next fastpass. mountain ranges complete and fast passes for the next range expedition. YEAH. It was 11 by now, and I needed a break. It was crowded. Buzz had a twenty five minute wait, so I hopped the TTA. I did some email for work while I road TTA and got something to drink. Nice ride and then off to Buzz. It was still a 10 minute wait. I scored 101,500. Yoohoo.

And then I got my picture with Stitch

Now, I had some time. I went towards Fantasyland and hit the mass of people. 40 minutes for Pooh, 40 minutes for Pan. Heck, it was a looking like a long day. I waded through the mass towards Haunted Mansion. It was a twenty minute wait. Huh!!. But I really wanted to go as they had just finished a rehab. It was a good wait and I really liked it. After this, I went back to Pan and picked up a Fastpass. No way was I waiting 40 minutes for a two minute Pan ride. Then hall of presidents. I realized I had a choice, Country Bear Jamboree or Hall. I went to hall and I really was glad. it brought goose bumps and is an amazing attraction.

It was time for lunch and shopping. I made my way over to Kona Cafe in the Polynesian hotel. I like this restaurant. It was quick and quiet. And the shops at the Poly are really nice and have a great selection.

I got back to the parks with 90 minutes and four fast passes. I managed to hit Space Mt. , Peter Pan and Splash Mt. But the crowds were so big plus I needed to make sure I got the rental car back in time and to the airport. MCO is not my favorite and can be a pain. It was this time as security is just a mess. But I got on the plane in plenty of time.

This is the last time I think I want to hit WDW without my family. The thrill of soloing is gone for now. I was able to do the parks without a map, which is really scary. Thanks for reading

Tenn's Funeral

2008-02-18T20:30:00.001-08:00

Today was a day I knew would come. When I found out that my uncle had cancer, I knew it would in some manner kill him. It was the inevitable. Tenn was not afraid to die, for he knew he was heaven bound. But he was afraid of the dying process, of losing his dignity and quality of life. So how he died was such a blessing.

We drove up and back today to Altavista for the family funeral. As I was leaving, Dona handed me a hat of Tenn's, a rather interesting golf hat. The important thing is not what it was, but whose it was.

I have several items of my maternal Grandfather's in house, including a picture of him with Richard Nixon and a couple of shirts, that 21 years later I still cherish.

My most important possession is a clock, that hung in his house. It is not a very expensive clock, in fact the story goes is that he actually traded for it. which sounds right to me.

I have looked online and my best guess is the clock would fetch somewhere south of $100. But because of whose it was and where it was, this clock is invaluable to my family. The mere sound of the clock brings back a flood of memories. In fact, when my grandmother died, this simple, wound clock in less than mint condition was the one possession that all of us wanted. So it is priceless. And with Tenn's illness and death, I have been reminded how valuable the clock truly is;and I have become more committed to keep that clock wound and running.

Dona, thank you for the hat, it was a small memento of your father. I encourage you and your family to look around for those mementos that are priceless to only you. As an example, in your mother's guest bathroom sits a picture of a little boy and girl (you know the one). To most, this is a cute photo but to me this has always been part of your parent's house (strange huh), a small thing that was part of these house. Like Grandmother and Granddaddy's penny picture of the year they were married, that hung in their house and then in their room at the Methodist home. These are the items that we can carry with us, that brings a smile to our faces and warms our hearts with found memories of loved ones.

Time to wind that clock

Remembering Tennyson Mann

2008-02-12T20:43:00.001-08:00

Tennyson Mann went home to the Lord on Feb. 10th. He was a great man, part of a whole generation of great men.

I do not know my paternal grandfather; I have seen that man across a crowded room but he does not know me nor he know me. But in some sense, I have had a grandfather figure in my life all along. Tennyson has been a mentor to my father for years, and his lessons have passed along to me and subsequently to my children. Our value of education is part of the message, part of mantra that my kids know that going to college is an expectation in life, with all of pointing at the finest institutions around us.

We vacationed together for years, going to Myrtle beach for a week. I stopped going but my parents and Margaret and Tenn continued spending time together for years. More recently we have the chance to spend Christmas with the Manns, which was a joy.

I realized last night that I will never hear this again .."Hello, Christopher". Tenn always called me by my proper name, and when he we say hello my ears would snap to attention. This salutation would be quickly followed by a strong handshake every time. He was a man of integrity and character, and was always there in a time of need. I will miss those words, said with that voice. BTW, he was the only person besides my mother who my proper name.

For the Manns, Tennyson was great grandfather, always so proud of his grand kids, a father to his last day, and a devoted husband. We grieve his passing, and the immense hole in all of our lives he has left. But we most remember his amazing life, his incredible impact and legacy that is literally in us and around us.

Ditching Blockbuster All Access

2008-01-25T07:59:00.001-08:00

We decided to quite Blockbuster All Access. I was looking at the bills and realized we were paying almost $20 for Blockbuster and then $11 each for HBO and Starz. No way we need $42 for movies each month.

With both Netflix and Blockbuster, the system is great if you are active but we are not the type of family who that type of system works for. I do like the Blockbuster feature of being to drop of movies at the store and then rent for free a replacement in store. With three stores close by, it was an amazing perk. Plus I think Blockbuster was faster than Netflix. The online piece for Netflix was nice but the catalog was so small that it was not hard to exhaust the catalog.

next for us to examine doe we need two movie channels. I really like Starz but HBO has some great programming as well. I am planning to wait to see if the prices come down as promised with our move to Time Warner (I can not wait for that; this old Adelphia system is the pits).

Buying the Right TV for the exact wrong reasons

2008-01-25T07:58:00.001-08:00

I bought a really nice 42 inch LCD 720p Samsung HDTV over Christmas. Off Ebay, basically news with the stickers on. It retails at Walmart at $1299 and I got for $780. Great TV, incredible picture and NFL in the HD in quite amazing.

But I should have never bought the TV. Here is why: My wife saw a 42 inch HD flat screen at her uncle's house over Christmas. She really liked it and could see very well. We had talked about getting a HD TV at some point but I had been resisting the need to do so until we had better HD channels. But I fell for it. I went out and found this TV.

Every since we got it, I had struggled with it. I could not place my reason on it, why I was so tormented. Then this weekend Mike Moses really put his finger on my issue. I lacked the discipline in buying this. Instead of waiting until the time was right, when Ginny and I had talked through it and made the decision together, I went off an made a splurge purchase. And went way big. My guilt was consuming me. Did we have the money, yeah we had the money. But that was not the issue. I needed to show the discipline to not buy this.

I bought a air purifier for $400 two years ago. same story. And same guilt. I need to resist temptation and not impulse buy.

P.S. As we bought the TV, we decided to move our furniture around, and then as we moved the furniture we realized that the walls needed to be painted. So we painted the room, which was the last room in the house to be painted. So to get the TV and I had to paint the room.

Reflections on Christmas 2007

2007-12-26T08:42:00.001-08:00

Here are some thoughts on this Christmas just finished

1. We did it. We finally had a Christmas were Ruth got something she really wanted; in fact she got more than the one thing she wanted. For several Christmases in a row, Ruth go something she kind of wanted. But not really. And a week after Christmas she would come to my wife and tell what she really wanted. I honestly think it was she did not really know what she wanted for Christmas until it was either way too late or just too impractical. Last year she got a great deal of gear for Tae-Kwon-Do, including her leadership uniform. Stuff she wanted and needed, but not very fun.

But this year, we got her a Wii. an iCoaster and iDog which she just loves. It feels very gratifying to have really loved her through gifts. Anna has been easy, as she knows what she wants until now. This year was more difficult .

2. We had a real busy four plus days celebrating. We left Friday the 21st and stopped for a meal wit Ginny's family in Burlington, arriving late at night in Henderson. Saturday was spent in Henderson. I took Anna to the Y for a swim workout and then the kids and I went to see see the Chipmunk movie. Finally, Saturday evening arrived and we had dinner as family, and then opened gifts. Ginny made a wonderful meal.

Sunday we hung out with her entire family until the late afternoon, traveling back to Huntersville in the evening. Monday was busy running the last minute errands including grocery shopping, preparing one dish for Christmas dinner. We went to church at 4:30 where Ruth and I helped park. That night we went my parents were we ate dinner (lasagna) and opened gifts. My parents are getting so old, their presents to each other so ridiculously practical. We stayed until late, getting home at 10:30. The kids were off to bed as Ginny and I waited. We went to bed at 3am.

Christmas morning came at 8. The kids were so tired that they did not get up until late. My parents got over to out house at 11am or so, and we opened gifts. Dinner was at 2 and I must say it was really good. The potatoes and prime rub went well together.

3. My in-laws are actually maturing. The now have a plan to re-do their kitchen to help sell their house. I think my father-in-law will lend them the money. Hopefully. Mac will get into the Accounting program at UNC and 17 months from now they will be moving somewhere, most likely. But they talked about in mature tones, where they children seem as important as their individual pursuits. It was refreshing, if not overwhelming in many ways.

More change at work than I know how to handle

2007-12-18T22:27:00.001-08:00

So, let's see how this all comes about

My old boss, Mike Mosier, takes a lateral move into a tech advisor position. Keith Harris, my boss the whole time, gets bumped up into a temporary assignment, but keeps his old team. Last year, he had just about the whole team reporting to him until they made Randy (rightfully so) his peer manager. So I am back to having a boss with way too much on his plate.

It is frustrating because when I get his attention there is no way to actually spend time talking about career stuff, just straight forward into the work at hand.

So, we do not have a permanent manager nor a perspective on when one is being named.

With the volatility of the financial markets hurting Wachovia, we just went through a very quiet but painful layoff. Some folks I really liked got hit and a bunch of stuff is either pulled off the table or just plain killed. I now really worried about my job but still it was close to home and not fun. Oh, yeah Mike Mosier was let go along with entire planning team.

Then today comes word that Joe has resigned. I am sure the recent mortgage position pulling responsibility away was the final straw.

At some point, I need to figure out how this affects my employment with the bank. The ball has been in my court for a while and I have been reacting. In perfect hindsight, the time for change may have already come for me.

New View of my daughter Anna

2007-12-07T16:30:00.001-08:00

Anna is swimming again this year with MAC; she is making impressive strides and dropping time left and right. More impressively, her strokes are improving. She is turning into a good swimmer and loves to swim.

Which brings me to this new view. I always thought of myself as the athlete in the family. But she is an athlete, she is a swimmer, better than I ever was. She is strong, fast, dedicated and improving. Will she swim in the Olympics, no. But she is really enjoying it at a social level, and she is determined to become better. For now, it is a great thing and really serving a great purpose in her life.

Jude Gilliam's Memorial service video

2007-10-02T20:23:00.001-07:00

Tom Gilliam, Sr sent our family a DVD of the Jude Gilliam Memorial in Charlottesville. I broke into six, sequential pieces and posted the files to GodTube.com. Please feel free to look at them and share on the

Newest Brown Family member

2007-09-18T16:15:00.001-07:00

Meet the newest Brown, Mandy Halbersleben

Ok, we adopted her as a college student at LFC. Winner, winner chicken Dinner!!!

Mandy is way cool and the whole family to cheer for her this year at the Davidson basketball games (except when they play UVA :))

Her is more on her Davidson College Athletics

Still reflecting on The Gilliams

2007-09-18T16:09:00.003-07:00

Robert and Chantal are now back in Beirut; I could not imagine how hard it was to arrive back home "light". I mean light in the sense there is one missing.

Even now, when we travel as a family and one of the kids is not with us, it feels strange and unusual. Our Brown clan is broken and as a Dad I am not truly content until my brood is under roof. I literally can not sleep well when the family is not all under our roof.

So, as the Gilliams return home, a new Jude-less normal must be gained, only with time. Lord, please keep Robert and Chantal close. I pray for peace in your Will and for rest, from heaven.

What a long day

2007-09-18T16:09:00.001-07:00

sat through an entire day on IMS from IBM; been a long time where I have sat through a day where I did not really understand the underlying technology. and it was a beautiful day outside as well - should have gone golfing...

Reflections from Jude Gilliam

2007-08-31T15:03:00.001-07:00

It has been a week since I was in Charlottesville with TJ Haycox, and Jude died. In the following week I have returned home, and then made a day trip back to Charlottesville for the services for Jude. In between, I attended yearly family get together for my mother's family. I want to use this blog post as we to deconstruct this time.

My emotions

Overwhelming sadness in the midst of profound assuredness. Having a boy similar in age, and understanding Robert and his personality, there was this great sadness. When Tom, Gilliam , Sr walked into the chapel last Friday to announce Jude's death to the collected group of friends and relatives, this amazing torrent of emotion erupted from his mouth. He later commented that this was the saddest period of his life, since the unexpected death of his father 50 years ago. Yet. there is a assurance of Jude, walking in heave. My son Huck, when told that Jude had gone home to heaven, explained that he thought Jude and Jesus were swimming with the fishes. Chantal and especially's assuredness of Jude's eternalness in the midst of profound sorrow was simply amazing.

Seeing uncommon wisdom on display

My company, Wachovia, has "Uncommon Wisdom" as a slogan. I have the spiritual gift of wisdom. But I watched Robert maneuver through these times with a sense of wisdom that was magnificent. He made decisions that were amazingly providential in the midst of unbearable strife and stress/

Watching a community rise

The Gilliams turned to caringbridge.org for a way to communicate broadly to their friends and family. Not unlike the Gibbs have done with Taylor's bout with leukemia. However, the response was simply unbelievable. I counted one time that the site was averaging a guest post every 6 minutes, around the clock. And from literally world wide. The call to pray for Jude was met broadly, and his name spread throughout the Christian community, across denominations. His name now pops in Google. Here are some links

This was such a vital link; once I got into the inner workings I found that there was so much being worked as well and that email and chat were essentials.

Missing my friends

TJ and I went together on Friday to Charlottesville. Although we live close together, we have never had the real occasion to sit and talk. The 4.5 hour ride to Charlottesville was amazing. We went places as men that I never get to do. The entire experience with TJ was amazing. We went there to serve and server alongside each other, selflessly and in love for our friendship bond to Robert. In many ways, it felt like a missions trip.

Last Friday, Brian Broadway joined us for dinner. Spending 90 minutes with Trouble was just plain fun. Main, I miss hanging around him.

Monday night was a family time to receive friends at Trinity. TJ went up. I simply could not. That day was the first day of school for Anna and Ruth. It was Anna's first day in middle school and Ruth's first day at Torrence Creek. I needed to look into their eyes, make sure they were ok and give them reassurances that it was going to OK in the end. Although I wanted to be there in Charlottesville desperately, my place was in Huntersville. I called TJ that evening and he was at dinner with a ton of our friends. Man, was I jealous. Vinnie Rife, who I have not seen in forever was there with his wife, Katinka along with Theo and Mike Phalen. But, I was in the right place. But it still stung.

Tuesday, I caught with some more old acquaintances including Jeff Bondi. I even ran into my old roommate Xavier Jackson. WOW!!

From this experience, I am left with twin longings. O long to see my friends. Living in Huntersville with all of them in Virginia has left me out of the loop for years. I miss these relationships greatly. Maybe because they were their when my faith was at its beginnings and they accepted then , with all of my faults, their is a sense of acceptance that I have never felt elsewhere. And I long to have genuine male friendship like this again. Everyday, consistent friendship. Ones that I go and hang out and just be, not be something.

I do know that it was easy to make these relationships in college; we were all there with the same purpose (generally), had gobs of free time, limited responsibility and limited resources. Hanging out was part of the culture.

Today, I have tremendous responsibility, less free time and more resources and thus distractions. But how do I create a set of real brothers to walk with here and not pine after what is probably not real anyways...Hum.

My son Huck and his part

When I cam back Saturday from Charlottesville, I was physically, emotionally and relationally spent. I came home and crawled into my bed, exhausted. But here came Huck, who just wanted to play with his Dad. We wrestled for an hour it seemed, enjoying just each other and our male bond as Father and Son. It was therapy for my soul but I came away melancholy, knowing that this a joy that Robert will never have again with Jude. But thank you Huck for loving your Dad

What is stories that God is writing

I am utterly confident that through this tragedy, the gathering of a Christ-centered community and its global reach, that God has a big purpose. What are the many chapter that are being written in His story day? We know of non-believers seeing a grieve observed with a joyous claim. We know that His promise is front and center each day, and this was the hope that Chantal and Robert cling to, in the midst of a profound sorrow.

As Robert discussed that over the last year, while Chantal home schooled the two older children, he had Jude duty and that his son Jude had become his closest companion next to Chantal. and that he was losing not just a son but a companion, my heart was searing with pain. But Robert knew his son was home, his real home.

What is the long term affect

I need to love more; deeper and harder. I think my kids know that I love them unconditionally; but they need to know my love reflects my poor understanding of God's love for them.

Oh that I might some of the faith that Robert has...

First Day School 2007

2007-08-27T05:36:00.001-07:00

Today marks the first day of school for Ruth and Anna, but for the first time in 4 years they will be heading to different schools. So no really cool bus stop picture this year

My day in Charlottesville

2007-08-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

This is Jude Gilliam, precious Lamb of God who went home today with Jesus. My friend TJ Haycox and I drove from our homes in Huntersville to Charlottesville today to be with our friend, Robert, Jude's Dad. God used each of us as servants this day to minister not just to Robert, but the whole family.

TJ and I left Huntersville at 6:30 for C-Ville. We made great time, stopped in Thomasville where I introduced TJ to Biscuitville.

We arrived at the hospital at 11:15 am. We proceeded to the waiting room. Tom, Jr. - Robert;s older brother was there and gave us a rundown. At moment, Bob Curtis and Mike Murray, who had spent the last two nights at the hospital with Jude, were taking Robert and Chantal on a walk, talking about the day and the time ahead. Friday was setup to be a very challenging day. Our Christian community owes a prayer of thanks to Bob for having the courage to speak some hard but necessary truth into Robert's life at this time.

TJ and I spent the next three hours at the hospital, with the friends and family. Robert and Chantal were is a consultation with the doctors, and some qualified counselors from Trinity. We saw them around two as they announced that the doctors would be bringing Jude off the ventilator at around 4pm. He would either live, live for a while then die or die almost immediately. Robert almost commented at breathing on his own was not enough, that he needed much more of miracle than that.

TJ and I cleared out the hospital for an hour our so, walking the grounds, eventually ending up on the south portico of the Rotunda. We stopped here, in a hallowed place of beauty, to prayer and put Jude's life over the next few hours into God's hands. We wander over the Chapel as a place to reflect and regroup.

We arrived back at the hospital by 3:15 and returned to the waiting area. By now, more friends and elders from Trinity had arrived. A decision that we would gather at in the chapel downstairs at 4 to pray was made. We had this unbelievable service. Tony Giles led it, with TJ led us in music. I know the Holy spirit was in the room. I had the unmistakable sense that we were praying and singing Jude into heaven at that time. 30 people , gathered for one purpose and one goal.

At 5:05, Tom, Sr walked into the chapel at the hospital to announce that Jude had died. For a man that is reserved and stoic, as he announced that his grandson had died, this torrent of emotions came out that I will never forget. I imagine that was the first time that he had to say out loud to anyone that Jude was gone. I shall never forget that moment.

Some of us stayed to pray for the family at this moment. The weight of the situation was present for all. TJ and I helped clear the chapel and then we returned to waiting room.

Shortly thereafter, Robert and Chantal walked into the waiting room. At this point, they decided they needed to get out of the room with Jude. The discomfort of being in the room with them as they began the grieving process was palpable. They called her brother which was difficult to hear.

Chantal started to wail, a set to tears and emotion that I will never know. It was mother, hoping for a miracle, beginning to deal with the overwhelming grief at its onset. Then a God thing happened. Elizabeth, a mature women who had lost a 8.5 year old daughter 24 years ago, was there for Chantal and spoke some amazing words into her life. She has come alongside her this week and will come alongside her to walk the first of some many steps through a dark process.

Robert and Chantal left at this point; TJ and I had the privilege of helping Elizabeth take Jenna out to her car and strapping the baby into the car. I had not held a child that young since Huck was so young. This woman is simply amazing.

TJ and I hung around the hospital over the next few hours (along with Justin and his wife) to simply help. TJ and I has the chance to see Jude's body; he was so peaceful. I was expecting to him to arise at any moment. Under his arm was a Larry Boy plush, like that one in my son Huck's room. Oh, Huck and Jude would have just turn a house upside down. Now they will have to wait till heaven ....

We helped Tom, JR empty the hospital room. The remainder of the Gilliams were around his body, beginning the process of grieving. Oh, how we must pray for them.

As we left the hospital for the last time, we headed to the Corner, We round the corner of the building and there was this massive rainbow, as God welcomed a little saint into his arms. What an amazing sight. We had dinner at the College Inn, feeling so old. Brian Broadway met us there. He had come up, intending to join us for the overnight duty with Jude that evening. We had a wonderful time just being friends. I have been blown away, amazed by the response of His community and Robert's friends. Double, thanks for paying for dinner and it was awesome to just see you.

TJ and I finally made out to the Turner's. David and Ellen were at the Gilliam's and rrived later. As group, we were all just worn.

This morning, Ellen read aloud an email that Connally, his sister who is a writer, had penned sometime over night to the close friends of their family. Oh my, it was to hear and it must of been so hard to write.

We must pray for:

Chantal, as she walks through this process
Robert and his marriage
Their kids, especially Jenna who is so young
The remaining Gilliams

My friend Robert and his son Jude

2007-08-21T22:08:00.001-07:00

Robert Gilliam is a dear friend from UVA, who has gone on as a tent makerto the world, in places like Syria and Lebanon. A fearless warrior for JC in hostile places.

His son Jude drowned last Thursday and has been in PICU at the UVA hospital. My call is one of prayer.

Please visit http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/inputSiteName.do?method=search&siteName=judegilliam

Robert, I love you and will stand by you.

vacation rankings, post summer 2007

2007-08-11T04:50:00.001-07:00

Ok, I felt like adding this post. Here are MY top3 and bottom 3 vacations so far (my wife will beg to differ)

Bottom 3

Edisto Beach 1998 - We went by ourselves. I blame this on me; I tried to stay in a cheaper place. One with no Espn; and it smelled like fish AND we has a Tropical Storm come through - plus Anna and Ruth were 2 and 0.
Hilton Head- our first vacation. With my in-laws. What a disaster. The first place was beyond bad; the second place nicer but so much more expensive. My father-in-law took a beating financially on this one. I have never been a Hilton Head person
N. Myrtle Beach, August 2007 - too hot and too many folks in too small a space. The weather was so over the top and really ruined the trip

Top 3

Disney World, October 2003 - this was the last big trip before Huck arrived. Disney had an unheard (and I doubt we will see this again) special, pay for 4 stay for 7 as business post 9-11 was so off. The weather was great; we stayed at Wilderness Lodge and in general had a great time.
Disney World, October 2006 - Huck's first trip; the one where we surprised the girls who had no clue until they got to the airport that they were going. We went really hard and I am not sure we relaxed much but we had way too much fun
Tie

Disney World, January 2000 - We had been the previous May. so we knew the parks. We went with my parents and stayed off-site. There is this song that the girls sing as they entered WDW that is full of glee. What a memory
Ohio Trip, summer 2007 - spent week around West Virginia and Ohio. Exploring with our family. Great fun

My last summer Vacation

2007-08-10T19:40:00.001-07:00

Our last family vacation had two parts: Member-Guest golf tournament in Henderson with my in-laws and then the beach with my parents

the Member-Guest weekend was hard. My father-law and I got smoked. I played at best ok as he did. We just could not get it going. My iron play was horrendous. And it was very Hot. Again. this is the second year in a row when it has been very hot for this tournament.

We came in last in our flight. A new low for us. I enjoyed it though and hope to play next year. Time to get in shape. I have played this tournament for 6 years now and know a good deal of people at the club now.

From there, my family headed to North Myrtle Beach. I had driven to my in-laws by myself earlier, so Ginny and the kids went ahead and I came later on Sunday.

In short, it was the hottest week I have ever been at the beach. The hit index each day by 2 or 3 was 110+ with 115 being the common reading. The beach was just too hot. We had bought a canopy at Dicks and that was helpful until we got a ticker. North Myrtle beach now requires all umbrellas, and other tent like structures of the beach by 10pm. What a pain.

The heat is so much that Ginny and the kids did not go to the beach until after 5 most days. We all where on the beach (my parents and my family) only once.Instead, we went to the movies twice and to the Dixie Stampede. anything to beat the heat.

My Dad and I had planned to play golf but was just too hot. we heard of people who did play but after playing over the weekend I had no desire to play.

The trip was not so great; the weather was so over the top that it made hard to enjoy the beach. The last couple of days it was more bearable as breeze came up but realistically it was miserable.

Pictures of my house I grew up in

2007-08-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

I remember when these trees where no more than a two feet tall and now they are like 35 feet tall. I felt really old

Pictures to show my kids that yes Dad did actually graduate

2007-08-02T20:36:00.000-07:00

This was a long time ago

Trip Story: Returning to Virginia Beach

2007-08-02T20:24:00.001-07:00

Today, I drove from in-laws in Henderson to Virginia beach, and back (3 hours each way). I left at 6:45 this morning. My first stop was at my old school, Norfolk Academy. I have not seen this school in 10 years. It has literally doubled in size, The athletic and fine art facilities are very impressive. The weight room was amazing as was the new auditorium. The school is really nice and impressive.

My next stop was my old neighborhood. I actually went to old house and walked around. The new owners were very nice. I did not remember the house being so small. And the neighborhood did not looked very tidy. I think the landscaping I have come accustom to seeing in Charlotte and Huntersville has made my taste change.

My next stop was Farm Fresh; I needed a few things and wanted to shop there. Call me sentimental.

I then went to the beach up North at 72nd street, where I use to go to the beach. Va. Beach has undertaken a major beach replacement strategy. The northern beaches now have several rows of beach dunes plus it was about 75 yards from the end of the walk to the actual edge of the water. Wow, it is a long way and hot.

The water was much rougher here than Myrtle beach. I certainly how forgotten that.

After this, I went to visit my old neighbor, Mrs. Pankey, who had just moved. It was nice to see and realistically the last time I will most likely ever see her. On the way, I went through Bay Colony, the place I would want to live at the Beach but can not afford.

I grabbed some lunch and went to done to the Boardwalk to eat and see this part of the Beach. I was amazed and the number of the large hotels. Marriott has the five large hotels alone. Va. Beach is looking alot like Myrtle Beach.And then rode down to the end of the beach to 1st street. This were as a young teenager I went surfing. I simply spent a few minutes looking around.

It was time to head back. I make a quick stop by WRV and bought a shirt and then went by Pembroke Mall area. This part of the beach is simply unreal and I felt like I was in the Southpark area of Charlotte. Very different. I hit Dicks sporting's good to buy some UVA stuff. Very cool to be able to find this and got some incredible deals.

Observations

Croatan, on the south side of Rudee Inlet looks like it has some amazing houses now.
I enjoyed my visit but did not want to move back
Traffic was heavy

Heading to Virginia Beach

2007-07-31T18:55:00.001-07:00

I have not been to my hometown in 10 years!!. On Thursday, I had for the day. My planned itinerary:

My old school, Norfolk Academy
My old house and neighborhood
The beach and boardwalk
some local shopping

Pictures to follow

Cincinnati

2007-07-28T20:08:00.000-07:00

The trip to Ohio ended up in Cincinnati at a McDaniel wedding. I actually went home to Todd Smartt's wedding back in Huntersville.

Ruth is dancing with Bride

Huck is hanging on Matt

More Cedar Point

2007-07-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

Cedar Point

2007-07-28T18:47:00.000-07:00

The clear highlight of the summer vacation to Ohio was Cedar Point. It was an incredible partk and we had great weather (30 minutes of light rain, a little muggy but probably 78). We had so mucg fun. As huge Disney folks, Cedar Point was a great experience for all.

for Huck, CP has great kids rides, with two very large kids areas.

for Ruth, she and I rode the water rides to end the evening over and over in our bathing suits. We were soaked to the bone and laughed.

For Anna, big roller coasters. CP has the most amazing roller coaster selection.

for Mom and Dad, a great chance to laugh, celebrate life and have some fun.

Thanks Cedar Point

BTW, Ginny and the girls bought season passes to Carowinds which is owned by Cear Point. They got into this park and the Kings Island outisde Cincinnati free

Oh, yeah nice face Dad. That was a really big rollercoaster

The Amish

2007-07-28T18:31:00.000-07:00

Several pictures of the Amish; they believe that if you capture a picture of their faces they lose their soul. We saw horse and buggies a great deal, especially where we stayed out in the country. View neat

Puppies in Ohio

2007-07-28T18:28:00.000-07:00

No, we can not get a farm puppy in the middle of Ohio

Sojourner's Lodge

2007-07-28T18:23:00.000-07:00

Our first stop in Ohio was in the Amish country. Ginny found this really neat lodge in the country away from the bustle, Sojourners lodge (http://www.bbonline.com/oh/sojourners/). It was in the heart of the Amish farm country. I sat outside one evening and watched several Amish families working on their farms into the evening.

This spot was one of the most peaceful places I have been in quite a while

West Virginia Summer 2007

2007-07-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

On the way to Ohio, we spent the night in West Virginia. We stayed at at ACE (http://www.aceraft.com/in the chalet here.

Saturday we spent the day on the waterfront playing.

On Sunday, Anna, Ruth and I went done the Upper New River. It was fun but hot.

July 4th trip to Beach

2007-07-28T17:13:00.000-07:00

The family spent the week of July 4th at North Myrtle Beach in my parent's condo. It was very crowded at the beach but we had a great trip. It was one of the best beach trips in a long time for our family. The kids are eating donuts

McD's wedding

2007-07-28T17:08:00.000-07:00

Mom and Son at McD's wedding; we had a great time the this weekend and we thrilled to play a small part.

Montreat 2007

2007-07-28T17:06:00.000-07:00

Ginny and the kids went to Montreat, NC for a week. Ginny rents a house for the week, and the kids all go to day camp during the week.

For our family, this is the first real trip of the summer and a great way to kick off the summer.

The kids have a great time at camp and some of the counselors remembered them.

For Ginny, it is a time or rest, reading and reflection among the mountains. For her, the mountains it is a place for spiritual retreat.

Yeah, I stayed home with the pets and played 5 rounds of golf.

Ruth had an incredible experience. Her camp spent the night overnight camping. It was an great experience for her. Very brave camp counselors.

Creeking in Montreat..um that water is a little cold

Playing in the playground at Montreat

Spidey Moneky

2007-07-28T16:57:00.000-07:00

Last day of Fifth grade continued

2007-07-28T16:56:00.000-07:00

Mom, Dad and I with Anna and her report card. Way to go Kid

Anna's fifth Grade eacher

2007-07-28T16:54:00.000-07:00

This is the last days of school at Cornelius for Anna, with her teacher Mrs. Reader. Anna made all As this year and we are so proud of her!!!

Live in Sydney

2007-02-26T23:29:00.001-08:00

Today marks my third day in Sydney; I arrived early on sunday and spent part of the day with my uncle Myron and his two girls. Monday was spent at the conference and doing some limited touring. I toured downtwon Sydney (well part of it) today as well as spoke at the conference.

Sydney is quite amazing and beautifil but expensive. It has the nice mix of European and Asia going on. The sidewalk cafes are quite unusual as well

heading to Australia

2007-02-13T16:19:00.001-08:00

I am ten days away from heading to Australia for a week. I will be speaking at a SOA conference in Sydney. It is pretty cool. They conference is picking up my hotel, air and expenses while I speak over the course of three days. I am looking forward to seeing the beaches and generally visiting some place so new.

Huck's Birthday

2007-02-10T20:07:00.000-08:00

Here is Huck on his third birthday party; can you just seen the amazing happiness on his face. Oh to be so excited

2006-10-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

First Day of School 2006. Huck is ready to Roll !! Notice the Crocs

2006-10-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

Great pick of Huck and I watching a ball game or the golf match. Dad and son hanging out

2006-09-07T19:21:00.000-07:00

This is the Beast of a chimney we tore down in West Palm Beach, FL. It had several pieces of rebar. We broke two sledge hammers and two shovels.
But it came down

2006-09-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

Well, Anna and I have made it back from Bolivia in one piece. We had an amazing time and want to thank you for your support. The trip was named under the title of Extreme Missions. Let me tell you how that names was a perfect fit.

We left on Friday, traveling to Miami from Charlotte via Atlanta. Our flight from Atlanta to Miami was delayed for over an hour with mechanical problems. Little did we know that this was the first and best flight of the trip. We were schedules to leave out the next day for Bolivia. However, our flight was cancelled with mechanical failures, with no firm date for leaving. We spent an extra night in Miami. That night, Anna and I tried to attend a movie but the film broke. Ok, now I was starting to wonder what other curve balls were coming our way.

On Sunday, a local church in Little Havana picked us up in their church buses and took us to a bilingual church service followed by a authenticate Cuban lunch. What a blessing!! We proceeded to head to the headquarters of Children’s International Network (http://www.childrensinternationalnetwork.com), in West Palm Beach. On the way, one of the borrowed church buses broke down. Wow!! In West Palm, we proceed to clean up the outside, pulling weeds , laying sod, and the men tore down a outdoor chimney with more rebar than my old house (that thing was nasty). Did I mention that was South Florida in the middle of July. And we had packed for winter time in Bolivia. That night, Anna and I, along with 17 others spent the night in a wonderful house in West Palm.

Monday dawned with news that our plane was one the way, now we just had to get on. We spent the morning working in West Palm. We managed to tear down the outdoor chimney and put the debris away. Did I mention that it was South Florida in July? Man was it hot. I took a shower outside with dish washing solution. Yeah, I smelled great. But, we did some great work in Florida at the CIN headquarters. And managed to break a shovel, a rake, the riding lawnmower (we did fix that) and two sledge hammers.

We managed to catch the flight Monday night, leaving Miami at 10:30. We arrived in Cochabamba about 8:30 the next morning. But our bags never arrived. Anna and I had the clothes on our back, a pillow and a sweatshirt each. Time to serve God in a unique way.
The rest of our week was full of construction, playing with the boys in the orphanage, going out into the community, while wearing clothes borrowed from the “Stack” at the orphanage. I spent the better part of two days wearing someone else’s shoes, socks, shorts, shirt and underwear. It was a rare opportunity to glimpse into a life with very little.

We were scheduled to leave on Friday, on the buses ready to go when one of the interns at the orphanage announced that our flight was cancelled. Oh, we just received our bags that morning. After some anxious moments, we were able to leave the next morning, making back to Miami Saturday night. Unfortunately, we missed our connecting flights and climbed on a bus for a 13 hour ride home to Huntersville, arriving 31 hours after we started. New family record
In midst of some amazing changes and logistical nightmares, God was at work through:

v Amazing spirit in our team to weather the curveballs of the trip and stay focused. We collectively often felt like this trip was a test, and each time we met the test before us, God up the ante. It was truly a great bunch of folks to serve with.

v Before I left, I had sever people speak some truth into my life and this freed me up to serve. I am not called to the mission field, as such I went for serve the team and open my daugther’s eyes to serving

v Whenever you actively put your faith to the test through acts of service of the poor, God meets you in amazing ways. I had several, very specific prayers answered throughout the week. As a team, we knew we were actively putting feet to our faith.

Anna was really amazing all week. The week was very challenging, with amazing travel. She never complained and work very hard. I was and remain very proud of her. We spent two nights in a hotel, one night in a house (me on a couch), one night on a plane, four nights in Bolivia (one more than we thought ) and one night on a bus traveling through Florida. It was tough for me and my ten year od daughter hung right in there.
Thanks for supporting us. I am enclosing a small token of our appreciation, a friendship bracelet from Bolivia. We most likely we will not be heading back next year, bur Ruth’s turn is coming up very soon.

Why I am smiling

2006-09-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

This mug shot is for a brochure for a Technology conference that I will keynote in Sydney, Australia at the end of Febuary of 2007. It is a great chance to travel and speak. So, They needed a head shot and this is what they got.

First day of school 2005

2006-02-04T18:17:00.000-08:00

Halloween 2004 - Huck's first

2006-02-04T15:38:00.000-08:00

My father in-law, Henry, Christmas 2004

2006-02-04T14:20:00.000-08:00

Feel blessed to have him in my life. This is always one of favorite days, with all of his family around opening gifts.

This is the picture of a very happy man

Huck with his Grandma Christmas 2004

2006-02-04T14:18:00.000-08:00

Heading out on the town 2004

2006-02-04T14:17:00.000-08:00

My Mom, wife and the girls are heading to a play Christmas 2004

Eli and Miles

2006-02-04T14:16:00.000-08:00

A tenative peace for Christmas

Don't I look relaxed

2006-02-04T14:14:00.000-08:00

Holding Hands

2006-02-04T14:12:00.000-08:00

Does a Dad Ok..

Hanging on the beach

2006-02-04T13:01:00.000-08:00

Anna and her achievement award

2006-02-04T12:59:00.000-08:00

She got her certificate in 3rd grade for her multiplication tables. She worked really hard and is very proud

The kids at the Beach

2006-02-04T12:55:00.000-08:00

Mickey in the parade

2006-02-04T12:53:00.000-08:00

I assume he has AC in there

View of the Castle at WDW

2006-02-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

Magic Kingdom is one of my favorite places in the world to spend a day

Ginny and I at WDW

2006-02-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

We went to WDW by ourselves in Octrober 2005, with a stay at the Beach Club. This was a much needed break for us. We love Disney World and the Beach Club is near the top of the list