Tired of Death

In the last 16 months, I have experienced four deaths. Two were in our family, as the last of the greatest generation is dying off. My uncle and Ginny’s aunt each succumb to cancer in the first half of 2008.  Both of these individuals had lead long, productive and great lives. Their deaths were sad, but also expected in many ways.

In the same time, I watched my close friend Robert suddenly lose his son Jude, through a tragic drowning. And today Elliot Brumm was laid to rest, having suffered a car accident. In each case, an accident snapped short a brilliant light, way too soon.

In all four cases, I can sit and know emphatically that each is in heaven. no question, no doubt. But Lord, I am weary of death. Of the sadness, the grief, the anguish and sorrow left in its wake. Yes, their is assuredness.

But two families are left with large holes. Each has gone from 6 t0 5. Each father is missing a son.  Each mother has one less boy to dote on (and yes they are always their mama’s boy). How does one ever consider taking that first family photo with a obvious hole? Pain unspeakable, unshakeable.

I am reminded today that the Brumms will move forward as have the Gilliams. But a part of their family after today is stuck in November 2008, and will fork off in a new different direction. They need and require our prayer and love.

I am weary of death and its impact and upheaval.

Two families are left a widow and a widower, left behind after a life time of living in unison. I think in many ways that is the cruelest. How does one to living as a single person after living life for so long married? In my honesty and true selfishness, I hope I die before my wife so I never have to face that loneliness, that heartache of lose.

I am weary of death, of its finality, of its hugeness and scorched earth policy.  yet, I know hope and know where it comes from. So, death, I am weary of you and say to you GO AWAY. You have had your time again in my life, to remind again on the briefness of time and the lack of guarantee of that time. I need to turn again to hope and joy, in a empty tomb that signified a new path. I am reminded again to live well, with intentionality in choice and focus.

I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
~Henry David Thoreau

“We don’t beat the Reaper by living longer. We beat the Reaper by living well.” Randy Pausch Last Lecture