Grieving a job lost

No I did not get let go from the bank. Well at least yet. But as my wife so wisely reminded me that I had yet to really grieve the job loss. I have been very busy for over a year, working on the merger with little room to breathe. As I thought on her concept, I agreed that I do need to grieve the loss, that part of moving forward for me at a personal level is to go through this step.

Remember, I essentially have a whole new job, new work style, new boss, processes – which I never consented for.  Usually when you change jobs, you do it with consent and expectations of new things. Here we have been transitioning piece meal from old to new, often without complete thought of the old to new process.

So here is what I have lost.

1. Job security – I had a great deal of respect, expertise and relative security. I had an excellent reputation and impeccable annual reviews. I had received promotions and office positions. I was not immune to be downsized but was still pretty healthy.

2. Salary – I made 30% less in 2009 than I did in 2007. In fact 2009 was the exact same that I did in 2003. Men general see their peak earning years as the enter the mid 40s. I wonder if I have already peaked. It made 2009 a very hard year for the family. We survived well, and we managed to celebrate despite the challenges. But still, why would  I ever take a job where I made less money with less security

3. As part of my annual bonus, stock awards both options and restricted shares. A significant portion of my annual bonuses over the last few years has just disappeared. My stock options are set now at just ridiculous levels while the shares were cut by 80%.

4. Entire structure. I went from having a boss I say nearly every day with a team around me who went to lunch every day together or ate downstairs together to a fragmented team spread across all three US time zones with no lunch. Literally mo lunch

5. My days went from meetings mainly in the mornings and early afternoons to meetings starting at 10 and going til 6. All day most days.

6. New processes and bosses whose work style is maddening at times.