Reflections from Jude Gilliam

It has been a week since I was in Charlottesville with TJ Haycox, and Jude died. In the following week I have returned home, and then made a day trip back to Charlottesville for the services for Jude.  In between, I attended yearly family get together for my mother's family.  I want to use this blog post as we to deconstruct this time.

My emotions

Overwhelming sadness in the midst of profound assuredness. Having a boy similar in age, and understanding Robert and his personality, there was this great sadness. When Tom, Gilliam , Sr walked into the chapel last Friday to announce Jude's death to the collected group of friends and relatives, this amazing torrent of emotion erupted from his mouth. He later commented that this was the saddest period of his life, since the unexpected death of his father 50 years ago.  Yet. there is a assurance of Jude, walking in heave. My son Huck, when told that Jude had gone home to heaven, explained that he thought Jude and Jesus were swimming with the fishes.  Chantal and especially's assuredness of Jude's eternalness in the midst of profound sorrow was simply amazing.

Seeing uncommon wisdom on display

My company, Wachovia, has "Uncommon Wisdom" as a slogan. I have the spiritual gift of wisdom. But I watched Robert maneuver through these times with a sense of wisdom that was magnificent. He made decisions that were amazingly providential in the midst of unbearable strife and stress/

Watching a community rise

The Gilliams turned to caringbridge.org for a way to communicate broadly to their friends and family. Not unlike the Gibbs have done with Taylor's bout with leukemia. However, the response was simply unbelievable. I counted one time that the site was averaging a guest post every 6 minutes, around the clock. And from literally world wide. The call to pray for Jude was met broadly, and his name spread throughout the Christian community, across denominations. His name now pops in Google. Here are some links

• http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/inputSiteName.do?method=search&siteName=judegilliam
• http://www.communitywalk.com/prayersforjude#1011044QZJ10738.12T%608-78.2g6%6010

This was such a vital link; once I got into the inner workings I found that there was so much being worked as well and that email and chat were essentials.

Missing my friends

TJ and I went together on Friday to Charlottesville. Although we live close together, we have never had the real occasion to sit and talk. The 4.5 hour ride to Charlottesville was amazing. We went places as men that I never get to do. The entire experience with TJ was amazing. We went there to serve and server alongside each other, selflessly and in love for our friendship bond to Robert. In many ways, it felt like a missions trip.

Last Friday, Brian Broadway joined us for dinner. Spending 90 minutes with Trouble was just plain fun. Main, I miss hanging around him.

Monday night was a family time to receive friends at Trinity. TJ went up. I simply could not. That day was the first day of school for Anna and Ruth. It was Anna's first day in middle school and Ruth's first day at Torrence Creek. I needed to look into their eyes, make sure they were ok and give them reassurances that it was going to OK in the end. Although I wanted to be there in Charlottesville desperately, my place was in Huntersville. I called TJ that evening and he was at dinner with a ton of our friends. Man, was I jealous. Vinnie Rife, who I have not seen in forever was there with his wife, Katinka along with Theo and Mike Phalen. But, I was in the right place. But it still stung.

Tuesday, I caught with some more old acquaintances including Jeff Bondi. I even ran into my old roommate Xavier Jackson. WOW!!

From this experience, I am left with twin longings. O long to see my friends. Living in Huntersville with all of them in Virginia has left me out of the loop for years. I miss these relationships greatly. Maybe because they were their when my faith was at its beginnings and they accepted then , with all of my faults, their is a sense of acceptance that I have never felt elsewhere. And I long to have genuine male friendship like this again. Everyday, consistent friendship. Ones that I go and hang out and just be, not be something.

I do know that it was easy to make these relationships in college; we were all there with the same purpose (generally), had gobs of free time, limited responsibility and limited resources. Hanging out was part of the culture.

Today, I have tremendous responsibility, less free time and more resources and thus distractions. But how do I create a set of real brothers to walk with here and not pine after what is probably not real anyways...Hum.

My son Huck and his part

When I cam back Saturday from Charlottesville, I was physically, emotionally and relationally spent. I came home and crawled into my bed, exhausted. But here came Huck, who just wanted to play with his Dad. We wrestled for an hour it seemed, enjoying just each other and our male bond as Father and Son. It was therapy for my soul but I came away melancholy, knowing that this a joy that Robert will never have again with Jude. But thank you Huck for loving your Dad

What is stories that God is writing

I am utterly confident that through this tragedy, the gathering of a Christ-centered community and its global reach, that God has a big purpose. What are the many chapter that are being written in His story day? We know of non-believers seeing a grieve observed with a joyous claim. We know that His promise is front and center each day, and this was the hope that Chantal and Robert cling to, in the midst of a profound sorrow.

As Robert discussed that over the last year, while Chantal home schooled the two older children, he had Jude duty and that his son Jude had become his closest companion next to Chantal. and that he was losing not just a son but a companion, my heart was searing with pain. But Robert knew his son was home, his real home.

What is the long term affect

I need to love more; deeper and harder. I think my kids know that I love them unconditionally; but they need to know my love reflects my poor understanding of God's love for them.

Oh that I might some of the faith that Robert has...

First Day School 2007

Today marks the first day of school for Ruth and Anna, but for the first time in 4 years they will be heading to different schools. So no really cool bus stop picture this year

My day in Charlottesville

This is Jude Gilliam, precious Lamb of God who went home today with Jesus. My friend TJ Haycox and I drove from our homes in Huntersville to Charlottesville today to be with our friend, Robert, Jude's Dad. God used each of us as servants this day to minister not just to Robert, but the whole family.

TJ and I left Huntersville at 6:30 for C-Ville. We made great time, stopped in Thomasville where I introduced TJ to Biscuitville.

We arrived at the hospital at 11:15 am. We proceeded to the waiting room. Tom, Jr. - Robert;s older brother was there and gave us a rundown. At moment, Bob Curtis and Mike Murray, who had spent the last two nights at the hospital with Jude, were taking Robert and Chantal on a walk, talking about the day and the time ahead. Friday was setup to be a very challenging day. Our Christian community owes a prayer of thanks to Bob for having the courage to speak some hard but necessary truth into Robert's life at this time.

TJ and I spent the next three hours at the hospital, with the friends and family. Robert and Chantal were is a consultation with the doctors, and some qualified counselors from Trinity. We saw them around two as they announced that the doctors would be bringing Jude off the ventilator at around 4pm. He would either live, live for a while then die or die almost immediately. Robert almost commented at breathing on his own was not enough, that he needed much more of miracle than that.

TJ and I cleared out the hospital for an hour our so, walking the grounds, eventually ending up on the south portico of the Rotunda. We stopped here, in a hallowed place of beauty, to prayer and put Jude's life over the next few hours into God's hands. We wander over the Chapel as a place to reflect and regroup.

We arrived back at the hospital by 3:15 and returned to the waiting area. By now, more friends and elders from Trinity had arrived. A decision that we would gather at in the chapel downstairs at 4 to pray was made. We had this unbelievable service. Tony Giles led it, with TJ led us in music. I know the Holy spirit was in the room. I had the unmistakable sense that we were praying and singing Jude into heaven at that time. 30 people , gathered for one purpose and one goal.

At 5:05, Tom, Sr walked into the chapel at the hospital to announce that Jude had died. For a man that is reserved and stoic, as he announced that his grandson had died, this torrent of emotions came out that I will never forget. I imagine that was the first time that he had to say out loud to anyone that Jude was gone. I shall never forget that moment.

Some of us stayed to pray for the family at this moment. The weight of the situation was present for all. TJ and I helped clear the chapel and then we returned to waiting room.

Shortly thereafter, Robert and Chantal walked into the waiting room. At this point, they decided they needed to get out of the room with Jude. The discomfort of being in the room with them as they began the grieving process was palpable. They called her brother which was difficult to hear.

Chantal started to wail, a set to tears and emotion that I will never know. It was mother, hoping for a miracle, beginning to deal with the overwhelming grief at its onset. Then a God thing happened. Elizabeth, a mature women who had lost a 8.5 year old daughter 24 years ago, was there for Chantal and spoke some amazing words into her life. She has come alongside her this week and will come alongside her to walk the first of some many steps through a dark process.

Robert and Chantal left at this point; TJ and I had the privilege of helping Elizabeth take Jenna out to her car and strapping the baby into the car. I had not held a child that young since Huck was so young. This woman is simply amazing.

TJ and I hung around the hospital over the next few hours (along with Justin and his wife) to simply help. TJ and I has the chance to see Jude's body; he was so peaceful. I was expecting to him to arise at any moment. Under his arm was a Larry Boy plush, like that one in my son Huck's room. Oh, Huck and Jude would have just turn a house upside down. Now they will have to wait till heaven ....

We helped Tom, JR empty the hospital room. The remainder of the Gilliams were around his body, beginning the process of grieving. Oh, how we must pray for them.

As we left the hospital for the last time, we headed to the Corner, We round the corner of the building and there was this massive rainbow, as God welcomed a little saint into his arms. What an amazing sight. We had dinner at the College Inn, feeling so old. Brian Broadway met us there. He had come up, intending to join us for the overnight duty with Jude that evening. We had a wonderful time just being friends. I have been blown away, amazed by the response of His community and Robert's friends. Double, thanks for paying for dinner and it was awesome to just see you.

TJ and I finally made out to the Turner's. David and Ellen were at the Gilliam's and rrived later. As group, we were all just worn.

This morning, Ellen read aloud an email that Connally, his sister who is a writer, had penned sometime over night to the close friends of their family. Oh my, it was to hear and it must of been so hard to write.

We must pray for:

• Chantal, as she walks through this process
• Robert and his marriage
• Their kids, especially Jenna who is so young
• The remaining Gilliams
  

My friend Robert and his son Jude

Robert Gilliam is a dear friend from UVA, who has gone on as a tent makerto the world, in places like Syria and Lebanon. A fearless warrior for JC in hostile places.

His son Jude drowned last Thursday and has been in PICU at the UVA hospital. My call is one of prayer.

Please visit http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/inputSiteName.do?method=search&siteName=judegilliam

Robert, I love you and will stand by you.

vacation rankings, post summer 2007

Ok, I felt like adding this post. Here are MY top3 and bottom 3 vacations so far (my wife will beg to differ)

Bottom 3

1. Edisto Beach 1998 - We went by ourselves. I blame this on me; I tried to stay in a cheaper place. One with no Espn; and it smelled like fish AND we has a Tropical Storm come through - plus Anna and Ruth were 2 and 0.
2. Hilton Head- our first vacation. With my in-laws. What a disaster. The first place was beyond bad; the second place nicer but so much more expensive. My father-in-law took a beating financially on this one. I have never been a Hilton Head person
3. N. Myrtle Beach, August 2007 - too hot and too many folks in too small a space. The weather was so over the top and really ruined the trip

Top 3

1. Disney World, October 2003 - this was the last big trip before Huck arrived. Disney had an unheard (and I doubt we will see this again) special, pay for 4 stay for 7 as business post 9-11 was so off. The weather was great; we stayed at Wilderness Lodge and in general had a great time.
2. Disney World, October 2006 - Huck's first trip; the one where we surprised the girls who had no clue until they got to the airport that they were going. We went really hard and I am not sure we relaxed much but we had way too much fun
3. Tie
1. Disney World, January 2000 - We had been the previous May. so we knew the parks. We went with my parents and stayed off-site. There is this song that the girls sing as they entered WDW that is full of glee. What a memory
2. Ohio Trip, summer 2007 - spent week around West Virginia and Ohio. Exploring with our family. Great fun

My last summer Vacation

Our last family vacation had two parts: Member-Guest golf tournament in Henderson with my in-laws and then the beach with my parents

the Member-Guest weekend was hard. My father-law and I got smoked. I played at best ok as he did. We just could not get it going. My iron play was horrendous. And it was very Hot. Again. this is the second year in a row when it has been very hot for this tournament.

We came in last in our flight. A new low for us. I enjoyed it though and hope to play next year. Time to get in shape. I have played this tournament for 6 years now and know a good deal of people at the club now.

From there, my family headed to North Myrtle Beach. I had driven to my in-laws by myself earlier, so Ginny and the kids went ahead and I came later on Sunday.

In short, it was the hottest week I have ever been at the beach. The hit index each day by 2 or 3 was 110+ with 115 being the common reading. The beach was just too hot. We had bought a canopy at Dicks and that was helpful until we got a ticker. North Myrtle beach now requires all umbrellas, and other tent like structures of the beach by 10pm. What a pain.

The heat is so much that Ginny and the kids did not go to the beach until after 5 most days. We all where on the beach (my parents and my family) only once.Instead, we went to the movies twice and to the Dixie Stampede.  anything to beat the heat.

My Dad and I had planned to play golf but was just too hot. we heard of people who did play but after playing over the weekend I had no desire to play.

The trip was not so great; the weather was so over the top that it made hard to enjoy the beach. The last couple of days it was more bearable as breeze came up but realistically it was miserable.

Pictures of my house I grew up in

I remember when these trees where no more than a two feet tall and now they are like 35 feet tall. I felt really old

Pictures to show my kids that yes Dad did actually graduate

This was a long time ago

Trip Story: Returning to Virginia Beach

Today, I drove from in-laws in Henderson to Virginia beach, and back (3 hours each way). I left at 6:45 this morning. My first stop was at my old school, Norfolk Academy.  I have not seen this school in 10 years. It has literally doubled in size, The athletic and fine art facilities are very impressive. The weight room was amazing as was the new auditorium. The school is really nice and impressive.

My next stop was my old neighborhood. I actually went to old house and walked around. The new owners were very nice. I did not remember the house being so small. And the neighborhood did not looked very tidy. I think the landscaping I have come accustom to seeing in Charlotte and Huntersville has made my taste change.

My next stop was Farm Fresh; I needed a few things and wanted to shop there. Call me sentimental.

I then went to the beach up North at 72nd street, where I use to go to the beach. Va. Beach has undertaken a major beach replacement strategy. The northern beaches now have several rows of beach dunes plus it was about 75 yards from the end of the walk to the actual edge of the water. Wow, it is a long way and hot.

The water was much rougher here than Myrtle beach. I certainly how forgotten that.

After this, I went to visit my old neighbor, Mrs. Pankey, who had just moved. It was nice to see and realistically the last time I will most likely ever see her. On the way, I went through Bay Colony, the place I would want to live at the Beach but can not afford.

I grabbed some lunch and went to done to the Boardwalk to eat and see this part of the Beach. I was amazed and the number of the large hotels.  Marriott has the five large hotels alone. Va. Beach is looking alot like Myrtle Beach.And then rode down to the end of the beach to 1st street. This were as a young teenager I went surfing. I simply spent a few minutes looking around.

It was time to head back. I make a quick stop by WRV and bought a shirt and then went by Pembroke Mall area. This part of the beach is simply unreal and I felt like I was in the Southpark area of Charlotte.  Very different. I hit Dicks sporting's good to buy some UVA stuff. Very cool to be able to find this and got some incredible deals.

Observations

• Croatan, on the south side of Rudee Inlet looks like it has some amazing houses now.
• I enjoyed my visit but did not want to move back
• Traffic was heavy